"I kissed the scars" - JakeHoon

no.1

What's the point of living like this? .
As a boy like him , struggling with his life . Walking on the street, looking pale , eye bags under his eyes , he looks dead . People looking at him as he pass by ,looking at him in a strange way , is it because he looks dead , is it because of the way he walks or the way his clothes look dirty and old, we dont know.

This a regular thing for that boy, he is used of peoples stare . He just doesn't care what people think for him , he continues to walk , going straight to one high building with slowly steps, to scared to do that but he also wants to do that. He doesn't want to live anymore.

How can he live like this , a boy on his 20s , having a hard life , having depression and anxiety because he is not a good son for his family. His dad have abandoned them since he was little , leaving them without money only in one small house . His mom always drinking alcohol,  doesn't care about her son , she even kicked her son out of her house because he is attracted to boys .

She thinks that he will never get married with a boy and they will not have money and stay in their poor house by themselves so she kicked her son out , living on the streets .

As he walks by , one single tear rolling down his left cheek , going to his mouth.  He gulps,  his lips faded and dry , not knowing what to do at this moment only walking, until he will arrived at that high building. 

Walking past strangers, some of them getting mad at him for bumping into them ."sorry " he would apologize but they couldn't hear him because he talks so quietly, to scared to speak with a high pitched voice tone . He thinks that they will hurt him like his mom used to do it .

As he walks by one stranger, he even bumps into him but the stranger didn't do nothing instead he said "sorry " , the strangers voice was calming for him ,wanting to hear this voice again, he didn't looked back or stopped, he continued to walk and making the stranger to get worried for him , I guess the stranger have a good heart,  to good for this world .

The boy walks, until he arrived at the front door of the building, looking up at the roof top , the building high, he just smiles , opens the door and enters inside . Taking the stairs , the elevator works with key, he doesn't have one so ofcourse he have to go upstairs, walking till he needs to arrive at number 44 . Yeah the building had 44 floors .

It was hard for him to walk , his legs were shaking, blood going down , his scars on his hands and wrists were covered by his slaves , he always would wear a long sleeved shirt . To scary to show his body to others . Scared that they will judge him and yell at him, mind in his business. 

Getting tired in the middle of climbing upstairs,  it was to high for him but he didn't gave up , getting thirsty for water , he could endure this, he endured every pain caused by him he can endure the thirst too , it was an easy thing for him to do.

The blood lost that he had , cutting himself on his wrist, wanting to die only with blood lost but he still havent so he decided to go in this building and jump down there . He wanted people to see him on the ground, covered in blood as the news tells about a young boy who committed suicide,  a boy who hates himself, about a boy who everyone hates him and wants him dead.
He wants his mom and dad to see him  on the tv ,on the news as their son is dead and covered in blood. Laying helpless. 

He thinks , thinks a lot until he arrives at the 44th floor,  he opens the door of the roof top with a smile on his face , getting out and seeing the city from on top of that . The sun hitting his face , it was a beautiful day today , a good mood and weather,  a beautiful day for him to die . Dying in this pretty day with a bright sun .

He didn't had no other thoughts ,only the thought of self harming and dying .

He keeps on walking straight now,  giggling,  his voice hoarse and deep , he chuckles at it , finding it funny . He goes on the edge of the roof top . Looking down at the city . Cars moving left and right , honking,  people walking back and forth, stores and everything down there . He looks at them , looking down, his mind was shaking, seeing the world around him move around,  he felt a head ache form the highness but he didn't care . He just wanted to jump with a smile on his face and die with a smile , he couldn't smile that much in this life so dying with smile is better , maybe he can smile in the other world as much as he wants to .

Taking slow steps , only his hills holding  him , it was so high . Having two thought. 'Should I jump now or should I wait more '. He thought, keeps on thinking,  having different thoughts and feelings about this. 

He started to count from one to ten. Wanting to jump as soon as possible, the day finally had came, the day he have been waiting it has came . He wanted to die on a daytime because the night time brings memories and trauma back ,he doesn't want them, he wants to die with a clear mind and not to care about no one or think about no one. For who is he going to live anyways , he doesn't have no one in this  world , people always would look down on him , like he isn't a human.

the boy , stood there , looking down at the city . he was on the roof top in one high apartment, ready to jump but.......

"HEY" .

.

Thank you .