Dark Desire

Chapter Four

WOLFF

Mariana was sitting on the countertop reading a book in her Victoria's Secret sleepwear when Axel appeared on my side. We stood side-by-side behind the doorway, hidden from Mariana's view.

"I should apologize," Axel muttered, his tie discarded along with the products that kept his hair organized. "I must have freaked her out more than she already is."

"Don't," I placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "We should give her space, allow her to think things through. I managed to convince her to stay the night but she's free to change her mind whenever she felt otherwise."

"You didn't make her sign the NDA?"

I shook my head. "I'm not forcing her. Besides, she doesn't look like she'd run to the cops the second she gets the chance."

Axel ran a hand through his face. "Fine. We'll make her sign when she finally agreed to our proposition."

That earned a sigh from me. I knew from the moment Mariana uttered her first 'no' that nothing would be able to change her mind. She would never let herself be touched by a guy like me. I knew she already convinced herself I was a monster, saw it from the look in her eyes and the way she flinched when I got close.

"How are you doing?" Axel's voice was back to gentle. It was always the same tone he used when asking me about my...problems.

"I'm fine. And you don't have to worry, I gave her the self-defense box." I motioned over to Mariana where the tazer rested beside her thigh.

"I'm not worried about that." Axel sighed, his voice dropping low. "I mean, how are you coping?" He pointed at Mariana's direction.

My face involuntarily and embarrassingly heated. I cleared my throat. Anything to evade the question. But Axel was Axel and he knew me more than anyone in my family. He knew my addiction like the back of his hand. So, when I didn't answer, he pressed, "Kurt, it's normal to feel aroused by her. She's hot and you haven't been around a woman this close. I want you to know that it's okay and you don't have to be guilty."

My shoulders drooped and my chest heaved as shame lingered through every inch of my body. I wanted to rip my skin out. "I—I jerked off six times today."

If Axel felt disgusted, I didn't know. He refused to show his reactions when it came to my addiction. "You should feel proud for the amount of restraint you carried by not touching her."

I grunted. "I would rather chop my hands off than touch a girl who doesn't want to be touched."

He clamped his hand at the back of my neck, squeezing lightly. "I know, Kurt. You're a good guy. Jerking off a few times more than the average does not make you a bad guy. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"

Shame flooded through me once again. "I imagined her the whole time, Axel. On my bed, on that counter, every fucking where. I couldn't stop it. It was fucking filthy. How could I not hate myself?"

"Any normal guy would have fantasies of her. There's no point of beating yourself for it." He simply said, shrugging. His face was void of emotions. "Do me a favor and go to sleep, okay? You look like you need it."

I had indeed slept a total of 4 hours every night for the last couple of days. Sometimes less if I became too engrossed with a new porn site. This time though, I didn't think I'd ever get another taste of sleep when the porn had jumped from my television to the room two doors from mine.

•••

Mariana didn't leave the guest room the entire morning. She requested to have her meals delivered to the door. I obliged, of course. I couldn't ask more from her. But what she did all those times inside her room without a gadget, I did not know. Perhaps, she's one of those people who could be left alone for hours without getting bored.

I certainly wasn't. Boredom and me would lead to dangerous outcomes.

The only thing that could take my thoughts away from sex itself was writing. There was a reason why isolation worked fairly well with my situation. Being a full-time author allowed me to work from home. I never had to worry about publishing requirements, paperworks and the occasional book signings that best-seller authors should be accustomed to—I had Axel for that.

I was surprised Mariana didn't recognize Axel. He was the face on my pen name—W. K. Finn. But then again, if she never left Vernazza—like what her traveling record told us—then she would not have known, unless she surfed the net for english eroticas. I highly doubted that. Mariana was...she looked too pure. I had been scared to go near her when she stood in my office this morning, afraid that I might horrify her if I came too close.

I was also surprised to find out in her ID that she was only a year younger than me. From the softness of her features, the light the seemed to shine whenever she entered the room—and, of course, from the fact that she was still a virgin, I had assumed she was twenty or younger.

How did she remain untouched at 24?

That question led me to wonder what her life was like in Vernazza. Perhaps, she had strict parents who wouldn't allow her near boys. Or perhaps, she had a lover and they were waiting to have sex on their wedding night. The latter had stronger possibility. She was, after all, the kind of beautiful that was hard to resist. Innocent and vulnerable yet so capable of conjuring dark and dangerous reactions.

I then started to wonder why she ended up at Helion's bar that night two strangers sold her to me. I wanted to know things about her. Things that wasn't her height, her weight, her address, her birthday, anything that wasn't already plastered in her identification card. But my stomach sank at the realization that she may never talk to me again. The self-defense box may have gave her a little bit of reassurance, enough to stay for the night. But what more would it take for her to stay long enough for me to get what I want?