Dark Desire

Chapter Twenty-four

WOLFF

I kicked the stones on my path, cursing under my breath.

Before I could stop the impending flood of emotions, I was already crouched down on the ground, beside the front tire of my car.

From the overwhelming emotions of wanting Mariana, to what happened back in the diner, to being brought back to the terror my mother put me through, I couldn't trust myself to be with her right now.

I was too unstable. Too fucking emotional.

Yet there was no stopping the throbbing hardness underneath my pants. "Fuck." I hissed in frustration, madness, and disgust.

I clenched my fist, fighting the urge to touch myself, fighting the temptation to get in the car and drive away.

Inhaling a breath I couldn't seem to catch, I leaned my back against my tire, legs stretched out on the rocky path. I didn't know what to do. If I go back inside, there's no stopping me from fucking Mariana.

Before I realized what I was doing, my fingers were already working, now hovering over the call button on Axel's number. Shit. If I call him, Mariana would be pissed off. But fuck, I needed him right now. But calling him would make Mariana feel like I didn't trust her.

"Dammit." I hissed, impulsively throwing my phone hard enough to send it crashing down the pavement.

Dropping my head onto my palms, I coiled my fingers over my head, gripping my hair until I felt my scalp sting. I couldn't breathe. And then I saw them drop before I felt them roll. The tears.

Fuck. The last thing I needed was to act like a helpless little boy. But Jesus, I didn't know what to do. I was feeling too many emotions at once. I didn't know how to handle them and I couldn't hide in the privacy of my bedroom this time.

All I could do was wrap my arms around my legs and bend my head down, as if shielding myself from everything. I let the silent tears fall, since there was no point in fighting them, and allowed the minutes to pass by, maybe hours, up until I couldn't tell anymore.

•••

I woke up to soft hands cupping my cheeks, soft lips on my temple and soft voice saying my name over and over again.

"Wolff, baby, wake up." Mariana cradled my head against her chest, her gentle fingers combing through my hair in a soothing manner. "You're okay."

I opened my eyes, realization seeping through. I fell asleep outside. While I was crying.

"Shit, I'm so sorry." I stood up so fast Mariana almost fell. I caught her by the waist. "I'm sorry."

She held my gaze with deep concern. Not speaking. Just looking. Assessing. Finally, she said, "You're overwhelmed."

I couldn't back down, couldn't look away from her gaze, couldn't step away from her touch. I'm afraid if I did, I would crumble.

"Wolff," Mariana stepped closer, her hands cupping my face, pushing back messy pieces of my hair, then clasping at the back of my neck. "We're so different, you and I. Yet when I'm around you, when I see you, I feel like I understand you." One of her hands dropped to my chest and settled there. "I feel like I already know what's in here, that it's going to work with what's in mine."

I shook my head, clenching my jaw. "I don't-I don't understand, Mariana. What are you saying?"

She pressed her forehead to mine and sighed. "Hunger, Wolff. Hunger." Her fingers tightened at the back of my neck, urging me close, allowing my lips to brush with hers just a little bit to taunt me, to let the truth of her words sink in. "I never knew what it's like to want a person this much until I met you. Maybe my desire seems minuscule compared to yours, but what matters is that I feel a fraction of what you feel. Maybe even more. Can't you feel it?"

My breath was shaky when I exhaled, like my lungs didn't work just the same. "It isn't much about wanting me, Mariana. It's more of how long will you want me for." I swallowed, pushing back the lump in my throat. "Will you still want me even after I accidentally gripped you too hard I left bruises? After I went rougher than you can handle? Or what about after I ignored your screams and your tears and you choking on our safe word with my cock deep in your throat?"

"Stop." She was frowning, her eyes two swirls of sadness. The sight made me want to punch my face and staple my mouth shut. "I'd want you even then."

I stepped away, moving past her. It took her only a second to keep up. "You can't be that stupid, Mariana. You're not a goddamn masochist."

"You're not gonna hurt me." She panted. "Will you slow down for a second?"

"No." I kept walking, increasing my pace.

"Wolff."

I clenched my fist up until my nails marked my palms and kept my feet moving.

"Wolff, merda, stop for a second!"

I didn't.

Then a set of cold fingertips brushed my nape for a second before I felt the rough tug on my shirt, pulling me backwards, my chest slamming against the softness of her body.

"Stronzo, mi piaci così tanto."

"What? I don't—"

Her lips swallowed my words, dragging me in a sort of celestial heat that both calmed and thrilled me beyond measure. When I've recovered from the shock of her unexpected kiss, I slanted my lips and pressed her closer, deepening the clasp of our mouths like I couldn't get enough. Because I couldn't. I never could.

My arm circled her waist, making her arch her body to mine. I felt the points of hardness on her breasts beneath her shirt—my shirt. She looked every bit like mine.

Fuck. Mine. I wanted her to be mine.

Mariana broke away first, breathing hard and lips swollen. "You kiss like that...and expect me to believe you're capable of hurting me?"

I froze, realizing it. Realizing how I never did kiss anyone the same way I kiss her. Or held back this much with anyone. Because back then, I didn't care.

Back then, I didn't have feelings for the virgin in my arms.