Subject B3 (newt x reader)

Chapter 53

Caution: this chapter contains mention of suicide . Please proceed with caution.
Also I will be away for the next couple of days which means I might not have a lot of time to write the next chapter so it may come a little later than usual but I will try my best to get it on time! 💚

"Alright kids, there's a rope for you to slide down onto the shore just over that railing." Vince informs us once we dock on the island. "So go and enjoy this place for a while before I call you back to set up camp."

Minho lets out a loud groan and throws his head back. "Ugh, really? Why can't you do that?"

"Because Minho," Vince says, smirking at the boy, "there's a lot to be done, and I can't do it all by myself."

"Minho, stop complaining and just go and enjoy the island for the moment." Gally sighs, and I laugh quietly at Minho's childlike behaviour.

The boy shrugs and marches over to the rope, grabbing onto it swinging his legs over the railing before sliding down it with ease onto the shore.

"My turn!" Sonya exclaims, "that looked fun!"

She runs over the railing and leaps over it, grabbing the rope just in time and sailing down it elegantly.

One by one the rest of the group go down the rope, and finally it's my turn. I wrap both my hands around the coarse rope and gently push off from the railing, gliding down until my boots hit the sand.

"Look at this place dude." Minho says in awe, eyes widening as he walks along the sand towards the island. "It's insane."

"Well, some of your tents should be set up already." Harriet announces just as Newt lands in the sand behind me. "Come on, I'll give you the tour."

I feel a hand wrap around my waist, and Newt steps forward to stand beside me, running his fingers through his hair.

"Happy to be here?" I ask him quietly as we follow the others up the beach towards camp.

"Very happy to be here." He replies, "and even happier to be spending the rest of my life here with you."

****
I brush the final knot out of my hair after a gruelling twenty minutes tackling the matted, unwashed mop on my head. Once I'm done getting the last tangle out, I place the hairbrush down on the beside table in my large, canvas tent. The wind whips at the tent gently as I strip down to my underwear and quickly put on the fresh pair of clothes lying on my bed before anyone comes in. Just in good timing as well.

"You alright?" An accented voice comes from the tent entrance just as I pull on my T-shirt. I spin around and see Newt standing in the doorway, but his face quickly turns scarlet as he looks down at his feet. "Oh sorry, I didn't realise you were changing."

"It's alright." I laugh, "come sit." I sink down into the mattress of my bed in the middle of the tent, hitting the space next to me with my hand to indicate for the boy to come and join me.

"How's your tent?" I ask him as he sits down beside me. The boy leans back on the bed and props himself up on his elbows, letting out a gentle sigh.

"It's good. Got everything set up. I'm surprised the Right Arm have enough tents to supply this many people."

"Yeah, it's pretty insane." I reply, but my voice trails off slightly when I see Newt clenching his jaw tightly, staring out into space with a stern expression.

"Hey, is everything alright?" I ask him, shaking his shoulder gently. He pauses for a moment before sitting back upright and turning to face me, cupping his hands in mine.

"Y/N, I don't know if Thomas told you this, but back in the Last City when you went with Minho and Gally to get the Serum, I made Thomas take my capsule necklace from me, because I was so sure that I was going to die in that city."

My mind flashes back to me running along the streets behind Gally and Minho, surrounded by flames and smoke in the city as Newt's voice echoes throughout the buildings:

"JUST TAKE IT!"

So that's what he was talking about.

"And in the necklace was a letter I had wrote him in case I... I didn't make it. Just a last few words from me, offering some closure and just thanking him for being my friend throughout all of this. Of course, I'm alive so there's no need for him to read it anymore- not to say that he won't. But.... I also wrote one for you."

"What?" I say, slightly taken aback. "You wrote me a letter?"

"Of course I did." The boy laughs quietly. He lets go of my hands and digs into his trouser pocket, pulling out a crumpled up piece of paper. "I didn't have time to give it to you, but I had put it in the capsule along with Thomas's letter so that I would make sure it would get to you."

I stare in disbelief at Newt as he places the letter in my hand and wraps my fingers around it.

"I don't know if you want to read it, you don't have to if you don't want to. There's no pressure." He smiles weakly at me. I stare down at the piece of paper in my hands, unable to get a single word out.

"I'll give you some privacy. Come find me later, ok?" The boys says softly, and I nod, my eyes never leaving the letter. Newt kisses my cheek and stands up from the bed, exiting the tent and leaving me all alone.

Do I read the letter? I mean, if Newt was dead right now, then this would be all I would have left of him. Do I really want to put myself through the pain of thinking that the person I love most in this world is gone just so I can read this letter?

I stare down at the crumpled up piece of paper waiting in my hands- almost taunting me to read it, and I take a deep breath.

Fuck it.

I slowly open up the letter whilst my heart pounds against my rib cage, and I'm greeted with Newt's cursive handwriting covering the entire page.

I take one last deep breath and shift my eyes to the top of the page, and begin to read:

Dear Y/N,

I don't know where to start, really. There's so much I want to say, but there's only so much paper in the world to write it on. I hope that you'll never have to read this letter, because it will more than likely mean that I'm gone. And if that's the case, then I wanted to write this to tell you all the things I wanted to say to you in person, but I didn't have enough time or simply because I was too scared.
I love you, Y/N. It's as simple as that. I love you so much that I can't even comprehend it, can't even put it into words that will come out of my mouth. And the funny thing is that I haven't even know you for more than a year. How can I love someone this much if I haven't even known them longer than 12 months? I don't know, and I don't care because I do. You've brought out a happiness in me that I never thought I'd see again after my jump. You've made me laugh, you've made me smile, and you've made this whole hell of a journey a lot more enjoyable. Writing this right now I can feel tears start to form in my eyes because I can't bear to think of life without you. I hate this so much- I hate that I'm not immune to this bloody virus, and I hate the fact that you will see me in a state where I'm not myself. I'll be one of those hideous monsters we saw back in the Scorch, Y/N. To think that they were once like us- normal people with somewhat normal lives- and now they're monsters. I hope that I'll be dead before you see me like that, because I can't bear to think of the things that the virus will make me do to you. I would never ever hurt you under my control, Y/N. And the thought that the Flare would make me do that to you terrifies me, so I hope that I'm dead before I even have the chance to lay a finger on you.
And as for when I'm dead, I hope that you won't be upset for too long. I don't want you to live the rest of your life in mourning and misery over a stupid Brit was hopelessly in love with you. I want you to be happy, and I want you to live out your days with the rest of the group in the Safe Haven where you belong, even if I can't be there with you. One day I promise we will see each other again.
Thank you for being such an amazing person, Y/N. I love you beyond any words in the dictionary could say, and every day I count my lucky stars that you bumped into me in the WICKED cafeteria a year ago.

Yours forever and always,
Newt x