bucket list || l. norris

thirty seven

* we are back in business! i managed to get a few chapters planned and have a vague idea of where we're going with this over the next 10 chapters or so - meaning we are back on track and we are good! very excited to share this all with you. as always, enjoy, and don't forget to engage as much as you can! all comments and votes are so so appreciated! you're the best. i see each comment as payment... so pay me gooood ;) *

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A seventh place start for Lando was promising. He had faith in finishing better than where he started and I knew he was more than capable of doing so, but I didn't put too much pressure on him. He wanted to go into the summer break with a positive end to the first half of the season. The Hungaroring gave him a P9 finish at the chequered flag. I saw the disappointment on his face, but I didn't want to allow him to dwell on it for too long. We had time to spend together now and barely had to give racing a thought until the end of the summer shutdown.

"Tired?" Lando reached for my hand and began to rub my knuckles after we fastened our seatbelts. I was so delighted to be back on the plane, with take off to Heathrow only a matter of minutes away. This weekend, and this entire half of the season so far, had been totally chaotic.

"Exhausted." I let out a massive exhale. Resting my ear on his shoulder, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arm across Lando's stomach. No other McLaren team members were on this flight back to London. We left earlier than usual. Literally as soon as Lando finished his debriefs. We needed this break.

"You can sleep as much as you need," Lando carefully ran his fingers across my warm forehead, meeting with the roots of my hair. "I'm at the MTC on the sim for a couple of days but then I'm all yours, properly all yours."

"Sounds good to me." I nuzzled my face into his neck and inhaled the sweet scheme which just felt like home. I felt extremely comforted right now, despite being on a busy plane from Budapest to Heathrow. Having Lando by my side and knowing that we had so much time to spend together over there next few weeks.

I needed this time. Not just to spend time with Lando and make all sorts of memories, but just to completely regenerate. These past few weeks had been tough on me, mentally, so I needed to take a step back from work and focus on what was impacting my mental health. Unable to bring myself to tell Lando this, I just kept it quiet. The thought of opening up about the thoughts I'd been experiencing and the images I'd been seeing in my head absolutely terrified me. Although, I truly believed I was managing it well and totally able to cope on my own. My burdens didn't need to be thrown on the shoulders of anyone else.

Unable to keep my eyes open any longer after a non-stop race weekend, I quickly fell into a peaceful sleep.

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Of course, I regretted sleeping on the plane home from Hungary entirely. After locking the front door, Lando headed straight to the bathroom for a shower while I changed and climbed into bed. My eyes still felt heavy with sleep, but my body was no longer tired. While listening to the water dropping on the floor of the shower cubicle, my eyes focused entirely on the digital clock on my bedside table. 11:56PM. Almost midnight.

Working in Formula 1 alongside my best friend was a dream come true, but hell, it was exhausting. My body was feeling that exhaustion right now in a massive wave of tiredness. But, I didn't feel tired enough to sleep. Without Lando by my side, I didn't feel very settled. I'd become so accustomed to falling asleep with him right there - something that we did often before we made things official between us - but something that I was beginning to fall dependent on. I never set out to be this type of person, but it wasn't my intention to need him this much. I trusted him with my life, and he was the only person to have that pressure on his shoulders. I felt like I needed to be close to him at all times. Just in case something bad happened.