bucket list || l. norris

five

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"I'm so nervous, Micah. I don't know if this is the right choice for me anymore." I paced around my bedroom, my heart pounding against my chest as I tried to calm myself down. I couldn't let my heart rate get too out of hand, otherwise leaving for Australia tomorrow would definitely be off the cards and I would end up in hospital. Lando knew that too and he'd been checking up on me every hour or so to ensure that I'd not pushed myself over the edge. I would be staying with him, but I wanted to spend my last night in England with my parents. It would make me feel a little calmer. I wanted Lando to stay over, but I was too afraid to ask. My mind was clouded with worry and I didn't want to unnecessarily add to that.

"Mila, you're going to be perfectly fine. You're with Lando. He knows you, he knows exactly what to do if a situation arose. It won't, but if it happened, he'd be right there," my brother was right. He was always right. Lando knew absolutely everything there was to know about my heart condition, from what to do if something went wrong to the best calming techniques if I ever felt like the nerves were too overwhelming. "It's not like this is the first time you've been away without mum or dad. You did this last year, you were in Barcelona not too long ago. This is your dream, Mila. Yours and Lando's dream."

"I know." I perched myself on the edge of my bed, my fingertips trembling at the thought of something happening to me whilst I was on the other side of the world. I didn't know what it felt like to be weak because my heart was giving up on me, nor did I ever want to feel that way, but even if I felt unwell in the most minimal way, I worried. I panicked. I was flying out to Australia to work. I didn't attend the Australian Grand Prix last year and instead, I was based at the factory in Woking where I began learning more about what my role in the team as an intern would consist of. This time, Lando would be right by my side.

"Lando won't let anything happen to you, Mila," Micah was always right and I hated that about him, but he was my older brother and he was very protective over me. He wanted me to be happy and he knew, like the rest of us, that working alongside Lando made me the happiest I could possibly be. "This is such an amazing opportunity, for both of you. I remember how small you were when you and Lando decided you wanted to work together. You kept saying that it was your dream. This is your dream, Mila, it's finally coming true."

"I'm scared I'll let him down, Micah," I shook my head as the tears began to spill from my eyes. My fingers were trembling and there was nothing I could do to stop them. It made me feel nauseous. "I don't think he should've asked me to do this. I think he made the wrong decision."

"Does Lando know how you feel?" No. Obviously not. He had enough to worry about, like competing in his first ever Formula One race weekend, and didn't need my problems as his burden. He was stressed enough, doing everything he possibly could to keep himself calm, and my issues would only add unnecessary stress.

"I can't tell him, not before the biggest weekend of his entire life," I tightened my grip on my phone so that it didn't slip out of my hands. My palms were sweaty. Oh, how I wish Lando was here. "I've packed my bags, they're all ready to go, but I don't think I'll make it through the night without putting everything back in its place."

"Mum will stay with you tonight," to simply hear Micah's voice on the other end of the line was comforting. He was rarely home as a result of his job and he shared a flat up north with Elijah. I missed the pair of them whenever they weren't around. I was so close to my brother and his boyfriend that it hurt to know they were so far away from home. Sometimes, I wish he could be the one to lie beside me and tell me everything would be alright. I didn't need Lando or my mum, I just needed Micah. "Please, don't stress about this. You've wanted to do this for as long as I can remember Mila. No matter where life took Lando, you wanted to do it alongside him. Lando looks after you better than any of us could. He loves you, just as friends, and he cares about you."