bucket list || l. norris

fifty one

* she's back and better than ever... enjoy x *

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I'd never been to Singapore before. I knew the travel was rough, and adjusting to the time zone whilst staying on European time was even rougher, but I never expected it to be this bad.

We arrived days ago. We had plenty of time to adjust and become comfortable with the temperature and the humidity, the schedule and our bodies being nothing but upside down before the weekend commenced. However, I couldn't find it within me to get it right. I was struggling.

We were sleeping from the early hours until eleven A.M., eating at hours that my body couldn't shift to in such a short period of time, and I was working harder than ever before. This was a special weekend; Lando's first Singapore Grand Prix. Before it being anyone's first, this race was so special. Everything needed to be perfect.

He waltzed over to me after finishing his reconnaissance laps and lining up in P9 on the grid. I removed my headphones and found myself smiling like an idiot at my boyfriend. He looked beautiful under the lights, the golden tones reflecting off of the thin layer of sweat already lining his forehead.

"Hey, beautiful," Lando reached for my hand as he approached me. "Are you okay?"

People at work knew we were together - officially - and the world seemed to have already figured it out, too. I didn't mind. I wanted to show him off. He wanted to show me off. He was the best thing to ever happen to me.

"I'm okay," I lied. "Are you? Ready for the race?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," he pressed his lips to my forehead and I just knew the photographers would be rushing to us. I wanted them to capture this moment. "I love you."

"And I love you."

We were so fucking good. Everything about us was perfect. I knew what it was like to be loved in ways Lando couldn't love me, just as friends. Making the decision to become a little more than that was the best thing we ever did.

That's why I hated myself for lying to him.

The dizziness had almost wiped me out on multiple occasions. The chest pain had me taking painkillers every four hours. Something just wasn't right. I told him it was a migraine, that it was just my body's way of completely rejecting the upside down schedule. But I knew, no matter how much I tried to persuade myself otherwise, that there was something wrong inside. My heart was still beating - a huge win - but it wasn't beating as well anymore.

Lando had enough on his plate. He too was dealing with the heat and humidity. He was the one who needed to really get used to being hours ahead of Europe, but still needing to race on European time. He needed to keep himself safe whilst racing around the streets of Singapore. Part of me feeling unwell was probably down to the anxiety relating to that, too.

"Hey, don't look so nervous," he placed his index finger beneath my chin and tilted my head so our eyes were level. "It's okay."

"I know," I smiled to hide the pain. "It's been a tiring few days. I can't wait to be on that flight home."

Lando nodded his head before kissing me again, on my lips this time.

"Stop it," I could feel my cheeks heating up beneath my makeup. "Micah will have a field day if he sees us snogging on live television."

"It's barely a snog," Lando scoffed. "But I can do that, if you'd like?"

"Lando!" I pushed his stomach playfully, my soft fingertips brushing over the rough material of his race suit.