The Sun in My Eyes

44 My Eclipsed Sun, This Has Broken Me Down

In which Bobby and Lili face the aftermath of Casa Amor. NGL, this one is hurty.

***

"Lass, I need you to know—no. Um, hey, I'm in love with you, but we aren't actually dating, and I got drunk and got a sook from some girl I didn't even like and thought you should know... but hey, well she sounded like you, does that make it better?"

Bobby had been at this for hours on the rooftop terrace, practicing what he'd say to Lili, with ever-worsening results. He scrubbed at his face with frustrated hands. Fuck. His sore eyes throbbed and for what felt like the tenth time, filled with tears.

Get it together, ya fucking jobby. Crying won't make this go away. He swiped at his tears angrily. All the numbness from the day before had evaporated the moment he'd looked at Lili and he wished to fuck that he could go back to being numb.

Every second he didn't explain himself, he was hurting her more, but the right words wouldn't come. He shoved his fingers into his locs and dug them into his skull, hoping the pain would jar something loose. As though he could find some magical words that would only break Lili's heart a little.

Taking a deep breath, he tried again. "So, Lili. I um, I really missed you, but I... What I mean to say is that Casa was a pile of shite and I saw you snog a guy with a stupid mustache—No. Damn it!" He slammed a fist on the bench. "What the fuck do I do?" he whispered. There was no answer to that question. Because he already knew what to do.

Get it over with.

He chewed on that for a few moments and nodded. That was all there was to it. Standing, he smoothed his now riotous locs and covered his swollen eyes with a pair of sunglasses. Right. He was never good with thinking ahead, anyhow. He worked better on his feet. And it hardly mattered if he said it right. All that mattered was that he told her. Everything after that was out of his hands.

Over the edge of the terrace, his eyes immediately found Lili applying sun cream to her arms. She was on the loungers with most of the girls. He couldn't make out what was said, but he could hear her laughter, so lilting and sweet like a song. His chest ached and he took a deep breath, hoping to loosen it.

Fuck, this was so hard.

He made his way downstairs, forcing his leaden feet forward. In the living room, Blake and Shannon were curled up on the sofa.

"I have to apologize to her," Blake murmured to Shannon. "It wasn't right. It's not her fault that Bobby was so..." She trailed off as he passed them.

No time to think about whatever she was going to say. He nodded at them and kept moving.

By the pool, he straightened his spine and approached the loungers. All the girls were watching Hope, who sat on a beach towel, her long legs dangling in the pool. Lucas bobbed in the water between her knees and suddenly grabbed her around the waist, pulling her in with him. She laughed brightly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Wow I've never seen Hope so... relaxed," Marisol said.

"That's what true love looks like, babes." Chelsea said. "Like Cinderella and, you know, the prince from Cinderella."

"I don't know about that." Priya shook out her hair. "But they've got something special going on."

"She deserves it," Lili said fondly. Her sweet smile nearly did him in and his desire to see it up close breathed air into his lungs, giving him a chance to survive the raw pain and fear he'd been drowning in.