25 Just Keep Me Where the Light Is

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**RATED M FOR MOAN...AND MMMM. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED**


Bobby jittered with excitement as he waited for the video call. He adjusted his Mr. Love Island sash.

The television screen popped on with a ping and there was the thin, pale face of one of his closest friends, Big Jonno, peering far too closely into the camera with his bulbous blue eyes. "Yaldi! It's Bobby the celebrity!"

"Bobber Dobber!" His pal Nivaan, lead singer of the now-defunct, Paisley Cuddle, popped into frame.

Alfie, his close friend from the hospital, shoved Nivaan aside. "Boaby! Ya lucky fuck!"

Maitland, drummer of the yet-still defunct, Paisley Cuddle, screwed up her beautifully crooked face. "Move back, ya glaikit cunts!" she shouted, shoving everyone away from the screen. Bobby laughed as nine of his closest friends crammed into Jonno's tiny front room, pushing and shoving like a pile of foul-mouthed puppies.

"What's that?" Fenella, Owner of the best cozy coffee shop in Glasgow, flipped her blonde dreadlocks over her shoulder and pointed at the screen. "You win something?"

He held up the sash so they could see it. "The girls voted me most dateable boy!"

"Ay, that's pure barry!" Jonno said.

Maitland rolled her eyes. "I've been telling you that for ages." She'd long ago declared herself his mama bear, and as such was always trying to hook him up with girls. Which never stuck, much to her frustration.

"No, you say that I'm nice and relatively fuckable. It's not the same."

"It is too!"

"So you beat out Gary?" His best friend, Louis, asked. "I mean I love you Bobby, but those muscles..." He stared off into the distance.

"Yes, I beat out Gary! You underestimate my charm."

"Hmm?" Louis shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, charm."

Dean laughed and elbowed his husband. "Whatever you do, don't bring Gary around for a visit, Bobby. You'll be cleaning Louis's drool off our living room rug."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Bobby said. "So tell me, what's been happening since I've been gone."

"Oh, ya know, the usual." Alfie grinned. "Me and Innes are gettin' merrit! Real classy affair. You're gonna be my best man. And you can't say no since you matched us up, just like you did Louis and Dean!"

"What?" Bobby leaned toward the screen, joy lighting him up. "Congratulations! Course I'll be your best man! And I'll bake your cake!"

"But you've got to promise to bring yer jo. Innes wants to meet that Lili. Says she's the sweetest person who's ever been dumb enough to go on reality telly."

"Hey, what's that say about me?" Innes didn't like anyone. She said she found Bobby "tolerable", which was as warm as she got. Lili must have been coming across like a dream to get something so close to a compliment out of her. "Speaking of...what do you all think of Lili?"

"She's bonnie," Fenella said. "No offense, but I keep hoping she'll kiss Marisol and give me something good to fantasize about."

"Honestly," Dean said. "You two are so cute together. Everyone was talking about those baking puns! I don't know where you'll find another girl who can make puns just as bad as yours."

"Don't listen to him, I think you're puns are great," Louis said. He was an excellent friend. "I've never seen you click with someone like that before."

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