The Spare To The Throne

Chapter 64: The L Word

"Willow's suffering from brain damage. After the car accident she was diagnosed with a brain hemorrhage - internal bleeding in the head. This explains her memory loss and seizure. They told her about the accident when she woke up from her coma, although she doesn't remember it. She did, however, remember she was pregnant and that was the first thing she asked the doctor about after waking up. Apparently, she was so worried, before the doctor could tell her anything, it triggered her first seizure. So Hakeem asked the doctor not to disclose the loss of their pregnancy to her in hopes to prevent another trigger. He was only keeping her safe," Xavier's words echo in my head, until his very last breath. He uncrosses his arms, now standing from his former leaned position on my dresser.

His strides are smooth and effortless as he crosses the room.

I sit rigid, in a criss-cross apple sauce position on the bed. Although, I heard everything Xavier said, I don't respond. I'm still trying my best to digest it all.

Willow's suffering from brain damage.

A picture of her lifeless frame behind the wheel comes to mind. She was slumped over, blood oozing from her head like a spilled drink. I grimace.

How did I manage to come out so lucky?

Xavier kneels down so we're face to face. He shaved his face last night. Not that he honestly needed to. He also trimmed his hair. And as if even possible it made the bone structure of his face more defined. As always, he looks good.

"What happened was not your-"

"I triggered her seizure," my tone is curt and low. "I apologized for her loss and that's how she found out she lost her pregnancy. That's why she had...another episode." Shame is thickly coated on the words I speak. I want to hurl over a toilet, better yet dig myself a hole far away from the trauma I've caused.

Xavier had been trying to get me to talk, eat, and come out of my room yesterday. I couldn't do anything. So much so that Hakeem had to tell Xavier the truth about what's wrong with Willow, just so I'd know I'm not the one to blame. The info has been relaid to me yet, everything's still my fault. The weight of yesterday's problems sits heavy in my heart.

Where it belongs...

I don't feel lighter, just burdened even more. Xavier is quiet and for the first time ever I think he's lost for words. It's dawning on him that I'm actually right and there's nothing he can do to fix my mistake this time. I made it and I should tell Hakeem.

When I finally take a look at his face, I'm greeted with no judgement. Surprisingly, I expect him to scold me but he doesn't. More than anything he looks concerned.

His jet black hair is perfectly combed back. Those piercing blues are so enchanting, I forget what we were even talking about. My eyes dance along his face, absorbing and admiring every detail which makes Xavier himself. His angular jawline is square, chiseled. His cheekbones are high and ruddy. Then there's those rosy lips. Plumb and soft.

"You didn't mean to-"

"Please leave."

If Xavier's stunned, I can't tell. It takes a moment but he stands and turns to leave. And with every step he takes away from me, I feel colder and colder. Empty even, and that terrifies me because I'm all alone with my thoughts now. My greatest enemy which happens to be my head has now captivated my full attention all because I've pushed Xavier away. Soon, the only thing left behind is his ambrosial scent. The door creaks, goading my longing to call out for Xavier to come hold me until I've wept myself tired.

The sound of the panel meeting the wooden frame stills the room. My mouth is sour and so are my welling eyes. Why'd he leave me? I didn't mean it. Turning over, I bury myself under my blanket.