The Spare To The Throne

Chapter 30: Masked Emotions

A/N: Words in () are the translations of what is not spoken in English.
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I wake to the feeling of warmth. It encapsulates me from all sides and I can't help but snug myself deeper into the sheets as my sleep wears off. I open my eyes as memories flood back with lightening speed. I sit up and look to the other half of the bed. Empty. My racing heart steadies as I take in the covers. A second cover had been laid on top of me, thickening the layers of the sheet. My eyes dart towards the bathroom. I was alone. The sun gleamed its golden rays through the room's windows. I check the clock on the wall. It was past noon.

Swinging my legs, I try to climb out of bed. I fall to the floor with a thud, forgetting how large in height and size Xavier's bed was. Stumbling, I manage to make my way out the room door. I walk with quick pace, all the way back to the west wing. When I finally reach my room, I close the door, exhaling out a deep breath. The sound of knocking causes me to jump back.

"Are you in there, darling?"

I swing the door open to see a concerned Alice. There is no tray in her hands this time. She lightly brushes past me and immediately heads to my bathroom.

"Hurry up and undress dear." She chirps and the sound of a bath running fills the room. I follow behind into the bathroom and minutes later a bath full of bubbly soap is prepared.

Alice turns around to meet my confused stare. "His high-," she clears her throat. "Xavier has ordered me to watch after you. Something about you may try to harm yourself." she says this as a question rather than a statement. I shake my head profusely.

"I'm fine."

Alice's frown tells me my words don't seem truthful to her. "Aw dear, it's okay. You've been through so much. I can't possibly even imagine," she sighs. "Get undressed," she says gently. "I'll come in after you're in the tub."

She walks out and I hear her moving things around in the room. I quickly do as told and get into the tub. Unlike my previous bath, this one was warm to the touch. The water soothed me in ways I couldn't imagine. It had been so long since I had a proper bath, this one felt foreign. It didn't take long before Alice came back in. She reaches for some shampoo and a brush. She begins washing my hair and I'm lost in the deepness of my thoughts.

"He protected me." I break the silence. Alice perks a brow in confusion. I shake my head. "Xavier," I tell her, wanting to get it off my chest. There's no one else to talk to but her. "I met someone, the day I ran away. And I-I thought he, I don't know. He seemed so genuine- the exact opposite of Xavier and I just thought..." I couldn't stop the tears that began to fall. Alice places a hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay." she says in a hushed tone. But it wasn't. Nothing was okay.

"I thought I loved him. I thought he felt the same way. I was so stupid, but the way he looked at me," I sniff, not knowing where I was even going with the story anymore. "Am I horrible for being glad that he's dead? At first it was the complete opposite but, if I really did love him why did the truth change that instantly?"

I could feel Alice stiffen at the mention of death. It was easy to tell that she was all about nurture. Things like this went against her nature. Then again, she was working for a murderer.

"Maybe because what you felt wasn't love. True love won't break, dear. No matter what." Her voice spoke volumes. I stare at the soak suds in the tub, popping them carelessly.

Even though what Xavier did was mainly for my own good, it didn't excuse his past behaviors. The carvings he gave me stood as a daily reminder of just how brutal he can get. Alice had been giving me ointments ever since that day and my scars have healed profusely. I was beyond grateful.