she's worse

24

I think the shock from the information I had learned the previous night. I was the daughter of the people I grew up hating and I had killed my chromosome givers. They weren't even worthy of being called my biological parents. There was no parenting in them.

I didn't know whether to grieve or to be glad I know something. I don't know whether or not I should even allow myself to feel anything. Should I be feeling something?

I want to push it down, but the shock fading away has kicked some kind of resistance into me. I want something more. I needed something more.

As I rushed through the kitchen, trying to eat something as fast as I could, I heard Asteria come in.

"You going down to the lab?" She asked me. She already knew the answer. I could see it on her face.

"Yes," I didn't even get to continue before she started talking again.

"Well, then we both know we're going to be found eventually. We can't stay here forever, but while I make arrangements we need to come up with a code if you're going to always be down there." She whipped herself around, walking towards the small living room, expecting me to follow. Her heel hit the hardwood floor once. "If it's once, there's danger. Immediate danger."

"And you want me to come up?" I asked and she simply dipped her chin down to say yes.

"Two taps, someone's here, don't come up. But I'm not in danger. That's it." She turned around, but I grabbed her arm.

"And if I see then when you're not here? How do I keep you out of it?" I asked. She leaned in, her calm facial expression unchanging.

"You don't. If they know you're here, they'll know I am too. And if they ask where I am, you call me and say, 'Hey, Ria, where are you?' I don't like that nickname, so this is the one time you use it." I loosened my grip on her and she walked away. She stopped to turn around. "Don't expect me to not run far away though. If you think I'm coming back to save your ass, you're wrong. You're useful, but in that case you're deadweight."

I didn't care what she thought of me or whether or not she would 'come back for me' or shit. I was capable of handling myself quite well.

I buried myself in the lab the rest of the day. I don't remember when I started or when I stopped. The tremendous amounts of information and evidence. Nothing went undocumented.

By seven at night, I was half asleep as I worked. I forced myself up the stairs to the kitchen because I needed to eat.

A simple PBJ would have to suffice. I decided that until I saw a plate of food sitting in the fridge for me. It had a note attached to it in the neatest words.

I eat dinner at 5:30. Come or not, I'll leave something left over for you.

Cute.

That's how the next two days went. The same routine everyday where I only saw Asteria once. The closest we got to communication was the small sticky notes she would leave about the food or where she was going. I didn't just walk on eggshells in her presence; if I knew she was in the house I would start tiptoeing in the soundproof basement.

As I was working multiple devices in the basement, I realized that the room would get warmer by the middle of the day, so I woke up and put on a black razor back with sweats. In the middle of winter. I got used to the chill, because I knew it was only going to be there for a couple hours. I could put up with it. And I didn't want to go upstairs and risk facing Asteria. When I went up for dinner, there was nothing in the small fridge, which usually has a ceramic plate with a layer of aluminum foil at the top.