Today, I Decided To Forgive Myself

Chapter forty-two

Cнapтer 42; Мold Alwayѕ Growѕ Eaѕιly
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The girl was always burning with the growing curiosity. Always ever flourishing. She always wanted to know why and how things worked the way they did. The girl liked to be heard about these curiosities. And it's always a beautiful thing when encouraged and watered to allow space for new growth.
But curiosities aren't ladylike. The girls father never approved of the way her mind worked. The intelligence and passion was made to fizzle out into nothing. Curiosities are never befitting of a doll, his doll. Dolls are meant to sit quietly on the shelf and look pretty. Dolls aren't allowed to have opinions or ask questions. I dolls are meant only to obey. Dolls are only to sit on their designated shelf and look pretty for their owners, waiting quietly to be played with.

The girl disagreed with this. As she began to question the very existence of this false identity she was made to portray, she acted out of her true heart in hopes of getting taking off her shelf and being treated as a real person.

And so the girl picked up the porcelain vase to her side that carry the delicate daisies. She didn't want to hurt the flowers so she took them out and lay them on the table in place of the vase itself. She took the vase filled only with water and threw it to the ground. She was so tired of this. The girls nanny rushed into the room and swooped her small body from the ground; trying to keep her safe from the small sharp shards that lay scattered everywhere.

The girl quietly whispered to the woman in response to the mumblings of the people around her wanting answers, "I'm sorry."

She just wanted to be her real self.

•••
She stops her hand and the ringing echos a little afterwards but stops quickly.

A man in fine luxuriously sewn clothing opens the door and steps into the room without making any noise aside from the noise of the door itself. My grandmother stands between me and the man and she turns to look him in the eye and she answers my question without knowing, "take her, it's time."

The man grumbles a little bit and walks forward as my grandmother steps aside out of his way. I don't move. When he reaches me he slowly holds out his hand for me to take. I look to my grandmother and she just asked me to take his hand with a slight nod of her head.

"Go on, There's something you should see. I have to meet with a guest first but this man here is my butler. He will take care of you for now." She waves us off in a carefree manner and I grow less nervous of being alone with this man.

We both walk away from the room out through the door and down the long yellow colored hallway. The sunlight peeking at us from the windows and blinding me with warmth.

I still can't find a way to quell the churning in my stomach however. Something I need to see? How horrific the sight must be? What is it? Why am I so nervous to be alone with this man? His touch makes me feel slightly nauseous. Am I overthinking this? How do I get out of this? I can't breathe. I'm going to faint.

I release his hand and step back as quick as I can. Successfully tripping over my own feet in the process. I fall to my knees and look up as my dark purpose bruises scream at me. But I don't care.

It was already too late to head my own warning. We've already reached what grandmother wanted to show me. There at the end of the hallway is something that makes me freeze in horror. A painting of a story that has not yet, but will come to pass. And I'm afraid of it. I search for the eyes of the person next to me now. I search for the lie in them. I see none and that makes it all the more horrifying.

a field of flowers drenched with the blood of a woman who had been stabbed in the chest with a dagger. A woman with long and vividly red hair and golden eyes.

Where the hell did this come from?