Today, I Decided To Forgive Myself

Chapter twenty-seven

Cнapтer 27; Looĸιng Вacĸ On All Мy Dғeaмѕ, All Ιve Ever Wanтed Waѕ A Нoмe
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The wind caressed the little girls form. Smiling at her as her small hands worked on weaving the crown. Stems intertwined with stems. She was careful not to touch the daisies white petals too much, so as to not damage them.

Her mother always loved daises. She herself preferred Dandelions, but slowly has grown to love the innocent flower such is the same as her mother.

The white color put against the woman's red hair gave the child such a joyful feeling after seeing the contrast of hues. Both equally as vibrant but both equally different.

The child felt the stems pulling and getting tighter with each flower until finally it snapped.

Her mother would have been so disappointed with her.

•••
Grief.

It's simply that.

Except it's a word that contains such a lengthy story for anyone that this word makes it into their lives. It's a five letter word that holds all the meaning of what it is to love someone. It is a defining moment that divides ones core. Most definitely though it is the last moment of love that we can give to those lost to us. But it's also an agony far worse than the meaning of the word.

It's always a very strange feeling... losing someone that is. How can I not feel like my world has shattered and the pieces have already begun to fall from my skies. Am I floating away into nothing? Or will the combined hate and resentment keep the soles of my feet on the ground.
But they don't stay on the ground.
Because its like becoming swallowed by the icy glaciers of the uncharted waters. Your throat becomes raw from trying to scream. Though no sound is ever heard as your limbs become nonexistent from the cold.

Davina's dead, Duke Clive's dead, nana's... dead. What even is there to worry over anymore? What was all this for? I... tried to change the ending of this life. I thought things could be different and they were, for a short time. But.. it's the same. Nana still died. The only things different are the first two dead. So at the very least that means some things can be altered.

I'm going to kill that selfish and arrogant man. I'm going to tear him open and gut him then pull his body inside out. And then I'll string his insides like Christmas lights across the kingdom. All the while he watches. The King will die by my hands.
"Call for the kitchen maid, Anna is her name."

I have been left alone for the past couple of days. I guess Cassian doesn't feel like he needs to apologize or anything of that nature. He could have at least have come to see me, couldn't he have? I still have too many useless hopes apparently.

I sit at the windowsill of my bedroom silently observing the dandelions withering on the lawn. The gardener would come by soon to remove them. How pitiful weaker beings are.

"You called M'lady."

"Yes, Anna I want you to help me with something of great importance." My mouth hurriedly twitches with the prospects of this something.