Blog Thirty Five: Silhouettes
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Nakatambay ako sa Beautea at pinanunuod lang ang mga estudyanteng naghaharutan sa loob ng shop. Wala akong klase at ayoko pang umuwi. At maganda ako. Siyempre may konek iyon, right? And tapos ko na ang lahat ng school works ko kaya prenteng-prente na akong nakatambay lang ngayon. Even ‘yung mga articles na pinapa-edit sa akin ni Cyber sa Belleza Journals ay nai-submit ko na sa kanya.
Wala namang kakaibang kaganapan between sa amin ni Cyber kahit na magkasama kami sa Belleza Journals at madalas kaming naiiwang dalawa sa opisina. Unless counted ‘yung mga tingin niyang nahuhuli ko paminsan-minsan—namamalikmata lang siguro ako—wala, walang kakaibang nangyayari. I mean, lalapitan naman siguro niya ako kung meron siyang importanteng sasabihin sa akin, right? At hindi ako assumera much para bigyang pansin pa ang mga nahuhuli kong pagsulyap-sulyap niya. Sabi nga ni Mama, just because someone is looking at you, it doesn’t mean he or she is thinking about you. Minsan ay kahit nakatingin ang isang tao sa’yo, sadyang nakatingin lang talaga siya without malice or anything. Posibleng lutang ang utak, ganoon.
It’s past four in the afternoon and I’m really just making tambay around. Sabi nina Cadmus, masyado raw boring ang routine ko kasi wala raw akong pinagkakaabalahan. Meron naman eh. Mabilis ko lang talagang natatapos.
And it’s my routine kaya—watching people. I must say that most of my literary pieces are inspired by my constant people-watching. There are many stories around, waiting to be told and waiting to unfold.
I get inspired while watching people unfold their love stories. My cousins say I am a dreamer. They would sometimes tease me about being in daze. Sabi nila eh palagi raw akong nagde-daydream to the point na feeling ko raw eh nasa isang nobela ako. Mama even told me na because I used to stay inside the four corners of my room at bihirang nakikipag-socialize sa ibang tao, I built this bubble embracing a story that I wrote with my own script. And as my loving brother (sarcasm intended) would say… pantasya. Sabi ni Kuya Cielo, nabubuhay raw ako sa pantasya. Feeling ko raw eh nasa Asian novella or Asian drama ako kaya kung umasta raw ako eh parang nasa isang eksena ako ng nobela o drama.
As much as I really don’t want to agree on anything my brother would say, maybe he’s really right.
Cyber Sandejas.
No need to further explain, but still want to think things through.
Cyber Sandejas is just like a character in a typical novella or story—the boy who has everything, cold personality, warm heart, a knight-in-shining-armor, and Prince Charming in disguise. He’s the typical male lead in a clichéd story—guwapong masungit pero may tinatagong kabaitan na sa umpisa ay ayaw sa female lead, but in the end ay mai-in love din siya sa female lead. Ganoon naman usually ang mga clichéd stories, hindi ba? At ano ang papel ko dito? Ako lang naman ang female lead na nae-envision ko sa clichéd story na iyon. Parang Asian novella o Asian drama lang ang peg ng buhay ko, right?
Wrong.
Because my life is not anything like an Asian novella or an Asian drama. Cyber is not that typical male lead who would fall in love with me—the clichéd female character in a story.
Because this is not a story. This is reality.
This is my life.
And yes, sapul. Sapul sa magandang noo ko na ang kuwento ko ay hindi katulad ng mga nababasa o napapanuod ko. My story is reality.
I used to be inside the four corners of my room, dreaming and building castles in the air. But now, I choose to see the castles in reality. And castles in reality are not perfect. They have parts that are already old and ruined. There might be dust. Still, in spite of its imperfection, there are still gardens inside the castle, blooming hopes and trees are growing dreams.
