Blog # 9:
“Playboy”
~+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+~
I entered the first semester of my junior year alone.
Okay, I’m just exaggerating. Not exactly alone, but you know what I mean? Alone, as in… loner. Nothing big or anything, just a personal choice.
Of course, I still socialized whenever I could. I went to parties, gimmicks, outings, and whatever there was to use as bonding moments with people I knew. I went out with family and friends.
Pero ‘yung sinasabi kong alone? Like… alone. ‘Yung tipong walang constant na kasama, kausap, karamay… ‘yung ganoon. And no, it didn’t have anything to do with guys or anybody. It was just my personal choice.
Siguro eh dahil nagiging sobrang demanding na rin ng subjects ko at madalas ay late na ang uwi ko from my classes and org activities. Even if I had to spend time with my classmates and orgmates, I chose to be alone whenever I got the chance to grab a time to relax or to do my tasks in peace.
I would always hang-out in the milktea shop where CK and I used to go. Ipokrita ako kung sasabihin kong okay na ako at desisyon ko namang huwag magpakita sa kanya noong araw na iyon kaya hindi ako dapat nag-iinarte. Eh pero anong magagawa ko? I still moped over it. Or kung anong gusto niyong itawag—emo, inarte, drama… whatever you see fit to call my situation during that time. Pero… wala eh, iyon ang naging desisyon ko noon at desisiyon ko ang panindigan iyon kaya hanggang pagda-drama na lang talaga ako.
OA ko rin, ano? Pagkatapos kong pakawalan si CK, gaganito-ganito ang peg ko. But I already explained my side kahit na hindi ko naman talaga kailangang mag-explain. I mean, do we really need to explain for ourselves when we decide for ourselves? Then again, damay rin naman si CK sa desisyon ko. Pero desisyon din naman niya kung ano mang naging desisyon niya eh. I mean… personal decisions namin both iyon. And no, I’m not explaining myself. I’m just punching away whatever I want in this blog. Sabi ko nga, hindi ako ideal writer. And my blog is very candid—no edits, typos overload, grammar may suck, and whatever shit you can see in here. Then again, a personal blog is a personal blog. And I’m kampante naman because this is unpublish, so welcome to my thoughts.
And OMG lang, where did I learn to talk shit in my own blog? Have I turned bitter just reminiscing those past memories? Or maybe it’s just my mood right now—na while I am supposed to be telling what happened after that eh here I am, activating my bitch mode on. But hey, we do have our time of the month naman talaga when we feel like we should be hailed as bitch queen, right?
Sorry not sorry. But, yeah, okay, I’ll drop my bitch mode, so I’ll continue with my story.
I balanced my social life and the #MeTime during my first months of junior high. School, socialize, milktea shop, bahay—diyan umikot ang mundo ko noon. I missed CK to the highest exponential level, but I knew then that I should stop brooding over it. Hanggang pagka-miss lang ako sa kanya. Besides, he was reviewing for board exam that time, and I wouldn’t want to bother him (OMG, ako itong hindi nagpakita sa kanya tapos ang kapal naman ng face ko kung guguluhin ko pa ang siguro ay sinisimulan na niyang tahimik na buhay, right?).
Ewan ko kung maituturing kong blessing in disguise ba ito or what, pero after what happened to CK and me, my gosh, parang nagkaroon talaga ng matinding improvement ang pagsusulat ko. Imagine me, getting credits and praises from my professors pagdating sa creative writing. Biglang hindi na puro balita o research ang pinupuri nila sa mga ginawa ko, kundi pati na rin ‘yung mga short novels and poetry ko.
Minsan lang talaga eh hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko kapag tinanong nila sa akin kung saan ko nakuha ang ideas ko eh. Kulang na lang itanong nila kung Hashtag Hugot ba ‘yung mga nobelang iyon.
