"I cannot love you..." The redhead laughed sheepishly after saying those words, startled at the sudden confession and finding it a little foolish. You turned your head to look at her with a bewildered exterior and pouting lips.
"Why...why not?" it was a tone Mildred recognize. The sound of confusion, pain and sadness fused into one solid emotion. The woman often does not feel sympathy, her feelings is hard to be influenced by another person.
In most times in her past, where she was required to show more emotion, she deliberately withhold herself from giving out more than she was supposed to because Mildred does not know when to stop from feeling too much once she let herself fall in the state of vulnerability and emotions gushing out like an avalanche.
A hand laid softly on your shoulder, thumb was freely caressing the soft skin beneath her finger, "Simply because you're a woman and I am too." hypocrite. She softly said, hoping you would understand but you don't. You never will. And that answer only baffled you to an extent you almost want to be angry at her. Because for you, her, being a woman, was not an issue no matter how unconventional your feelings might be due to the society's norm. And she intentionally gave in with Mrs Briggs when she kissed her.
With your eyes looking straight into hers you said, "But you didn't seem to mind kissing Mrs Briggs." Without having troubles telling her what you saw. That is one of the many things that you always think of at night. Mildred kissing Mrs Briggs.
"That was a mistake I tend not to repeat again, (y/n)." Mildred is used to playing innocent, she could, without a doubt, make one believe she is flawless—untainted with the scandalous affair she's having with another woman. Mildred can deny those words without a muscle flinching in guilty but when she's here, facing you, Mildred has to divert her eyes away from you as she say those words. Lumps forming in her throat. For once she felt ashamed.
She sighed at herself for not being too careful. She did not need to ask how you found out, she was aware Gwendolyn could sometimes forget to be discreet with her actions and Mildred would often be carried away. The fault was half hers.
"I look at you and I want to kiss you and I cannot help myself for feeling that way." Looking between the woman eyes and lips, you can feel the urge bubbling in the pit of your stomach.
"I, for one, do not believe that. Your feelings are only manipulation of the mind, (y/n). They distract you from the void you feel. You try to escape everything by diverting your attention to me. You think you love me but you don't. You only enjoy my company and the care I give because you were neglected. You were unloved. You don't want me, (y/n). You just need me."
Mildred has a crooked smile on her lips. She didn't want to hurt you but she has to be honest. This is her way of refusal and denial. Throwing people the harsh truths that can affect the way they think of her. She want you to believe her words, and draw your feelings back voluntarily, make it easier for her to sleep at night.
"No. My feelings with you has nothing to do with me being neglected as a child. I am an adult now and I know that for a fact that I love you because when I look at you I feel warm and fuzzy like it's always a Christmas morning with a mug of hot chocolate and morning light directly touching my face."
Pausing, yourself to take a deep breath, you turn and face the woman, taking her seemingly frozen hand in yours.
"You smile at me and I think it's the best smile I've ever seen in my life, I get so lost in them and often wonder what does it feels like kissing you and the thought of it makes my heart beat so fast and my cheeks blush. I feel this ache down in my skirts all the time and I know why. I'm aware. And most importantly I feel the unsettling discomfort when you're around Mrs Briggs how can you tell me it's not love? Have you ever loved, Mildred?"
