bloom • sirius black • marauders era | book one

chapter thirty-seven

1976

Hogsmeade Village

Fifth Year

I had no one to go to Hogsmeade with but I wouldn't let that stop me. I was tired of depending on others to do what I wanted. I constantly waited for the approval or interest of others and it was holding me back. I was finally going to do things that made me happy for my own sake.

Hestia had left early that morning meaning she'd be meeting up with Stephen to go to Hogsmeade.

Things hadn't gotten any better and we were still giving each other the silent treatment. I no longer cared about the disagreement we'd had; I just hated not talking to her. I didn't know how to reach out to her though.

We hardly ever fought and when we did we quickly got over it. This time was different as I felt really hurt and had yet to speak to her. When I thought of her words I cringed and buried my feelings deeper.

I was forced to spend my weekend alone while everyone else was busy with their own friends or partners. I hadn't known loneliness until I walked down the cobblestone path of the village all by myself. I looked around at everyone accompanied by their friends or significant other and had to remove my gaze. I knew I stuck out like a sore thumb but I shook my head of my worries and continued on.

My birthday was approaching and I thought I'd do a little shopping as a treat. It was the perfect way to cheer myself up. Thankfully I had some money saved up for this exact moment.

I hardly bought things for myself, as I always thought it was a waste or unnecessary. I preferred buying gifts for others and seeing the expression on their face brighten. This time though, I needed a little retail therapy of my own.

Walking past Quality Quidditch Supplies made me think back to the day of the tryouts and the mess it'd become. I still couldn't understand where it'd all gone wrong. Perhaps I was to blame for not understanding my feelings and letting them overcome me. I needed to get a grip but for now, I'd enjoy my day by browsing the shops and keeping my mind occupied.

I decided to visit the bookstore last knowing I'd be buying the most there. I didn't want to have to haul the books around through the rest of the shops.

Stopping by at Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop I made sure to pick up a few more scrolls and parchment paper. They were boring purchases but I found it calming to roam around the aisles. It was peacefully quiet as hardly anyone came in.

I also popped into Dervish and Banges to look for a postcard to send to mum and dad. I missed them a lot and I wanted them to know I was thinking of them. I considered getting one for Petunia but the last time I had I'd gotten no response. When I asked her if she'd received it she turned up her nose and informed me she had but had promptly thrown it away. I knew she detested all things magic but that had stung. Ever since then I'd inched farther and farther from her. If she couldn't accept this major part of me and Lily's lives that was fine but I wouldn't put up with her nasty attitude.

As I was flipping through the postcards someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Tommy! Hi," I greeted.

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to be able to make it to Hogsmeade this weekend," he said.

After Sirius had turned down my invitation I dejectedly had given up on any plans. As we left Care of Magical Creatures the other day, I'd mentioned this to Tommy. He seemed bummed out I wasn't going but I couldn't figure out why.

"Yeah, I ended up changing my mind last minute," I explained. I wanted to keep it simple; he didn't need to know my internal dilemma or personal drama.

He nodded, "Well it's good to see you. What are you up to?"