bloom • sirius black • marauders era | book one

chapter thirty-eight

1976

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Fifth Year

The Great Hall was filled with the typical chatter of students the Monday morning following the Hogsmeade trip. Everyone was still in a good mood after such an exciting weekend. Save for me who was still reeling from a life-altering revelation and consequent heartbreak. Who else realizes their crush and when trying to confess gets it thrown right back in their face?

This was giving me flashbacks to Severus and our ill-fated relationship or lack thereof. I cringed every time I thought about my humiliation last year and yet here I was facing an eerily similar situation.

But as Hestia told me after our much-needed conversation the show must go on. I wasn't going to toss my self-worth and happiness away because of a boy. Even if that boy had a killer smile and an even killer personality. A boy that was always there when I needed him and did everything in his power to cheer me up when I was at my lowest. A boy who'd become my best friend.

Now wasn't the time to torture myself with these thoughts though. I had all weekend to mope and that I did. I spent it curled up in a ball crying to Hestia about all the wonderful little details I liked about Sirius. Or why we never would've worked. We just weren't compatible despite all the good times we'd spent together. He probably didn't even see me that way, I'd told myself. The most he probably saw me as was Lily's little sister just like everybody else. His mate's sister's crush who he was doing a favor for by befriending me.

I had to admit my thoughts had gotten ugly but I quickly shook them off. Sirius had been a great friend to me, there was no reason I should doubt his intentions. It was me who wanted too much. I always did that I realized. Why did I always ask for more than I deserved? Why did I always have to go and ruin it?

"Earth to Prim," called Hestia who sat next to me piling scrambled eggs on her plate. She said she needed the extra source of protein when I first asked about it. The girl looked a bit concerned knowing I was lost in thought so I shot her a reassuring smile.

"I was listening," I said trying to play off me zoning out into such somber thoughts.

"I'm sure you were," Hestia said with a laugh. She'd been exceptionally kind and understanding after everything. The little spat we'd had was brushed off like nothing.

There could never be bad blood between us, anything she said I knew came from a place of love. She was an honest person that's what I liked most about her. If sometimes she went too far she made sure to apologize. I could also admit I hadn't been a great friend to her lately. Nobody claimed to be perfect though. There was always room to do and be better.

I noticed Hestia slyly looking over my shoulder towards the entrance. Before I could ask what she turned her focus back to me and asked, "Hey, do you wanna head to class early? I'm stuffed. Couldn't have another bite." I looked down at her plate where she'd barely made a dent on her eggs. Strange.

"What? No, it's fine. I haven't eaten properly all weekend and I've been craving these rolls," I answered reaching for the piece of bread but before I could get one I was distracted by two people sitting a few seats away.

Sirius and Marlene had arrived to breakfast late and looked to be sitting very comfortably together. I still remembered when he'd go out of his way to arrive early and get a seat next to me. I felt like I'd completely taken those days for granted.

Breaking my gaze from the two I snatched a roll and placed it a tad too roughly on my plate. My hunger had left me and now I felt a pit in my stomach like when I'd seen them at Times and Scrolls happier than could be.