Partners For Life [A Bensler FanFic]

Thirty-Eight

TW: Thoughts of self harm and suicidal thoughts. This chapter isn't graphic, but I just want to cover my bases and not make any of you uncomfortable. Thanks.

Elliot carried Tally into the precinct as he wiped tears from his cheeks with his free hand.

"I told him to come over right now, and it's been half an hour. I swear to god if he took my baby, then there is never a chance of us getting back together. I'm done with him." Olivia panicked as she paced the squadroom floor.

"There was an accident, and the bridge was closed. I took a detour and got here as fast as I could." Elliot mumbled, as he walked through the doors.

Olivia stopped pacing and hurried to where Elliot stood. She grabbed Tally and snuggled her close before letting out a sigh of relief.

"You should have called me and told me you were held up... you should have called me and told me that Lucy had to cancel. You shouldn't have decided that you'd watch my daughter without asking!" Olivia spat as she held Tally close.

"Liv-" Elliot started, but Olivia was beyond angry.

"I don't want you to be alone with the kids! Tally hasn't been around you since she was a newborn, so she has gotta be scared of you!" Olivia yelled.

"I-i'm sorry." Elliot whispered, as his head felt like it would explode. He was overwhelmed and scared.

"No, you aren't! You are never sorry! You just do things without thinking and without worrying about who you are hurting! I don't know what I was thinking when I thought you were changed... you are still the same asshole as before!" Olivia spat.

Elliot started to hyperventilate as he dropped Tally's diaper bag. He stumbled backwards as he developed tunnel vision. 

"Stabler." John Munch spoke, as he approached his former co-worker.

"Don't come near me, John. Please... go away." Elliot panicked.

"Stabler, she's just angry. She doesn't mean what she is saying." John tried to explain, but Elliot didn't believe.

"I'm a horrible man... I need to go. Before Olivia decides that she wants me dead."

///

Olivia spent nearly an hour making sure that Tally was okay.

"Are you okay?" Fin asked, as Olivia walked out of the cribs. She had Tally in her sling, which she was quickly out growing.

"I'm fine. Still super angry." Olivia sighed. Fin gave her a small nod before turning back to his computer.

Olivia looked at him before rolling her eyes.

"What? Do you think I was too harsh? Or that maybe I should just forgive him? Because I'm not apologizing to him for crossing the line. For breaking the boundaries that I am trying to set." Olivia huffed.

"He ran out of here crying, Liv. John went after him because he was panicking. I'm not telling you to go after him or apologize... I'm just trying to say that he looked really bad when he left."

"I don't care, Fin. He tried to take care of my baby without my permission. He can't just do what he wants, especially since I'm in charge now. I'm not letting myself or my kids get hurt, so I'm done with him. We are never getting back together."

"Okay." Fin frowned. 

They went back to work, and Fin lifted his eyes when he saw John walk back in. John didn't say anything, but he did shake his head a bit and Fin knew that Elliot still wasn't good.

///

Elliot was pretty distraught the rest of the day. He tried to calm himself down, but ended up having to get an emergency session with his therapist and he attended two meetings in hopes of stopping himself from drinking.

Elliot felt horrible for losing Olivia's trust once again, but he thought they were good. That she had gotten his text and just didn't respond because she was happy he was with their daughter. Instead, she was beyond pissed off and made him feel like absolute shit as a way to punish him.

That night, Elliot went over to Olivia's house. He didn't want to see Olivia, but he needed to see Maureen. He sent Maureen a text when he arrived, and she came outside to see him.

"What are you doing here, Dad? Mom said that we aren't supposed to see you anymore." Maureen frowned, and Elliot swallowed hard before nodding.

"I deserve it. I deserve every single bad thing that happens to me... I just wanted to apologize to you." Elliot breathed.

"Dad, it's okay. I just wish that this change had actually happened. Instead of you lying to us." Maureen snapped.

"I ruined my life, and I'm so sorry for fucking everything up and for hurting you all over and over again. I love you all, and I know that that isn't enough to make things better. Nothing will make things better. So I am going to go. I want you to give this to your mother, though. Please." Elliot mumbled, as he held an envelope out to his daughter.

"What is it?" Maureen sighed.

"Just a goodbye."

///

He had finally given up. Elliot didn't know how he could ever make things up to Olivia, so he made a plan. He was sitting on the bathroom floor of his apartment with whiskey in one hand and a pill bottle in the other. He was in the lowest spot he had been in awhile, and now he felt lost and like he'd never be found again.

He was just about to take a sip of the whiskey when he heard pounding on his door. The pounding went on for a while, before someone started to cry his name.

"Dad! Please open up! Daddy, please!" Maureen sobbed. 

Elliot stood slowly before moving from the bathroom and towards the front door. He rested his hand against it as Maureen continued to hit the door with her fists.

"Daddy, please don't do it. Please! I am so sorry that I have been such a bitch and even if I claimed to forgive you, I actually didn't. I'm sorry that I read the letter, but I'm glad I did. Please open up so I know that I wasn't too late. Daddy, please! I love you!" Maureen screamed.