Partners For Life [A Bensler FanFic]

Thirty-Nine

TW: Suicidal Thoughts

Elliot slowly opened the door before looking at his eldest daughter. Maureen locked eyes with her father for a moment before stepping forward and hugging him tightly. She clung to him as she continued to sob, and Elliot held her even if he was completely numb.

"Mo, you shouldn't have come over here. I need you to go home." Elliot breathed before kissing his daughter's temple.

"I'm not leaving you alone right now, Dad. Not after reading that... that suicide note! Dad, that goodbye wasn't just saying goodbye to Mom, but also to the world! Why do you want to die?" Maureen sniffled as she leaned back.

Elliot sighed before stepping away from his daughter and heading towards the couch. He sank down onto it before hanging his head.

"Maureen, I am such a huge piece of shit. I don't have a place in this world anymore, and I really think the best place for me is not here. It's not anywhere. So I need you to go home. Help your mother realize that this isn't her fault. Everything I do is my fault."

"No, Dad. You aren't a piece of shit. You are a great father and man." Maureen spoke, as she quickly sat beside her father. She gently rubbed his back as Elliot started to cry again.

"I'm not, and you have told me that before... can you go away?" Elliot grumbled as he shoved Maureen away.

"Dad-"

"Leave." Elliot huffed. Maureen stood hesitantly before looking at her father for several long moments.

"I love you, Daddy. Please don't do this. Please." Maureen begged.

Elliot didn't say another word to his daughter as she slowly left his apartment. He followed her to the door and started to lock it, but stopped when he heard Maureen sobbing on the other side of the door. Then he heard as she called Olivia, and he knew that Olivia would hate him even more if she found out he killed himself while Maureen was on the other side of the door.

///

Elliot was strapped to a hospital bed when Olivia showed up. The doctors had ordered a psychiatric evaluation, so Elliot was alone when his ex came to check on him.

"Elliot." Olivia breathed as she stood in the doorway of Elliot's small room.

 He slowly turned his head to look at Olivia before closing his eyes tightly.

"Elliot, you gotta tell me what the hell you were thinking when you gave our daughter your suicide note..." Olivia spoke as her voice shook.

"She wasn't supposed to read it. And anyway, don't you want me dead? Don't you want me to just leave you alone forever? Because as long as I am alive, I will want to be with you. So if I'm gone, that won't be a problem. I don't have to look at the disappointment and hatred that is etched into your face." Elliot whimpered.

"Elliot, I would never want you dead. I'm not a heartless bitch." Olivia snapped. She had been scared and sad when she got the initial call from her daughter, but now she was angry again.

"You said some shitty things to me earlier, and you honestly thought that I'd hurt our baby... which is something that I'd never do! Liv, they are going to keep me for three days, and then I'm gone. If you don't want me, then no one ever will. So just leave, Liv. Just leave and live your life with some nice man that won't be the worst partner in life as I am." Elliot sighed. 

Elliot closed his eyes tightly before rolling his head to the other side. He didn't want to even look in Olivia's direction, because he felt horrible about what he had done over the past year. Olivia didn't trust him at all, and he knew that she probably didn't even love him anymore.

"El, I don't want you to die. I will never be able to love anyone but you, and that really sucks honestly. Don't let them release you. We all need you, and I was angry earlier... but I will get over it. We can try to be together, El. We can-"

"Don't promise me anything when I know you don't want those things with me. So leave me alone, please." Elliot mumbled.

Olivia quickly walked to the bed, before gently caressing Elliot's bearded face.

"I love you, Elliot Stabler. We will figure things out as we go, but I need you to know that I want to be with you. I overreacted earlier, and I should have believed you when you said that you and Tally were okay."

///

Maureen stood up quickly when the front door opened. She was sitting up with all of her siblings, since they had to find out from her that their father was going to take his own life.

"How is he?" Maureen asked, as Olivia stepped into the house. Olivia let out a small sigh before turning and moving to take her boots off.

"Mom, how is Dad?" Kathleen frowned when she realized that her mother was ignoring them on purpose.

"Is he dead?" Maureen whimpered, and Olivia quickly shook her head.

"He is alive and in the hospital. The doctors are keeping him for a few days, and then soon he can decide if he wants to stay for longer or get out. But when he gets out, he will come home to stay with us. We can help him through this." Olivia sighed. She moved over and lifted Eli up, before holding him tightly to her body. Eli clung to his mother as she sat down and ended up surrounded by her kids.

"We will help him because we are his family, right?" Lizzie breathed, and Olivia nodded.

"Yes, we will help him because I'm his... you are his kids and I am Olivia. His former best friend." Olivia mumbled. She leaned back as tears slipped down her cheeks before letting out a soft sigh.

"Mom, did I do the right thing?" Maureen asked weakly, and Olivia nodded quickly.

"Calling me was the right thing. If you hadn't, your father wouldn't be here. You saved his life, Maureen. Even if he might not be thankful for it right now."