Proclivity ✔

30: •̩̩͙•̩̩͙𝘈 𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦•̩̩͙•̩̩͙

⚠warning: violence and abuse⚠

AZARIAH SERENE:

Smiling. Laughing. Happiness. Joy. Glee.

These were the expressions on people's faces when I looked outside the car window.

They walked and talked as if nothing was wrong in their life. As if they hadn't committed sins and crimes that are dark enough to destroy them.

They had no worries for the world. No intention to fear anyone.

They were alive, happy and smiling.

And I was their complete opposite.

"What are you thinking?"

My bubble of misery popped, bringing me out of my trance and making me answer Zemen's question.

"About how I am opposite to everyone."

I heard him sigh and soon he parked the car outside of the place that I haven't visited in a long time.

"Do you need me to come with?" His eyes had genuinity in them and I could only shake my head.

"I need to do this alone."

"I understand. Just call me if anything goes wrong."

I knew what he meant by 'if something goes wrong'.
My panic attacks.

I nodded and opened the car door, feeling the cold air nip at my skin.

I looked back at him and he gave me a small smile, encouraging me to get this done with.

I looked up front and stood rooted at my place seeing the big black metallic gate.

I felt my palms growing sweaty and I tugged my jacket closer around me, slightly hugging myself.

My steps were small and cautious as I was still questioning my decision.

I grasped the metal bar around my fingers and pushed it allowing myself to walk to my designated destination.

I crouched down and touched the soil on top of my omma's grave.

I felt heavy hearted and had no control on myself anymore. It was not me talking. It was my emotions talking.

"Hi omma" I whispered dropping the flowers beside her.

"I missed you" I sniffled and saw a spot of the soil trun dark due to my tears working as water on top of it.

"Did you meet him?" I referred to him who is dead now.

"I am sure you showed him the middle finger seeing him passing the gates of hell." a low laugh escaped through me and I felt my head aching.