WHEN THE SEA IS ROUGH (ill hearts 2)

11

Eunbi

"Look who's here again. Miss Whiner," I muttered, dragging my legs inside the Min's house. Yoongi chuckled, but his face dropped soon, fast to realize I had just jumped off a crying session.

"Everything's alright?" he asked, rubbing my shoulder.

"No. Nothing is." I huffed, pushing my shoes off of my feet.

"Come on in, I'm alone. We'll go for a round of ranting." He smiled, but it was the saddest smile I'd seen him give in a while.

"You too?" I asked. When Yoongi nodded, my heart got even heavier. Struggling myself and seeing my friends suffer was too much to handle at the same time. "Then let's begin."

He didn't even bother to make coffee this time, like he didn't care about anything anymore. We just plopped on the couch, played rock-paper-scissors to decide who'd go first, and it was my time to rant. I told him about the previous day, and Jungkook's dry coming back home. About the tattoo appointment. About Jiah and her business matters. Why I hated her guts. Why I cried. Why I didn't go home yet.

I didn't want to cry in front of Jungkook, I didn't want him to start treating me better out of pity. I wanted love, real love we had all this time, and not cheap effort driven by guilt.

Maybe he didn't like Jiah, and what she was doing, but him refusing to fire her and standing up for her like he was blind to her true intentions made it hard for me to trust anyone. He could tell her a million times to stay away, he could set boundaries, and she would still try to get into his bed. She ran that fan page for a reason, right?

Yoongi listened from my first to last word, patting my shoulder when my voice started shuddering. Reliving all of this in my head wasn't any easier than the real life events.

"I hope you know you're like... million times better than her," Yoongi said.

"Of course I do." I smiled, sliding a bit lower on the couch. "I'm tired, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you feel..."

I turned my head to look at him. Only when I was calmer, without all the rushing thoughts and doubts, his eye bags were bigger, and cheeks thinner. "Your time to rant, come on."

He pulled one of his legs onto the couch, twisting in my direction. "I've talked to Sora yesterday when she came home. I told her how I feel, that it looks like she doesn't want me to spend time with them. And she... she said I am ridiculous, took Sarang, and said they will spend some time at her parents' house," he said, dropping his gaze.

"Yoon..."

"Am I bad for them? Am I doing something wrong? I stopped working as much, I'm trying to be home a lot. I- what am I supposed to do? I miss them, I don't even feel like I'm married. Hell, I don't feel like I'm in any relationship. I feel like an old, rich bachelor." He sounded panicked, fidgeting with his fingers. They struggled before, and it wasn't the first time he would rant to me, but it was the first time he seemed helpless.

"Do you need a hug? Maybe punch a bag?"

"How about a hug? I punch bags every day and it doesn't help anymore." He smiled, up on his feet for the hug to be more comfortable. He wasn't as tall as Jungkook, and when I tip-toed, I could rest my chin on his shoulder. I craved closeness so much that I didn't realize how strong the hug was, from both sides, until his grip around me loosened. We were both deprived of love and intimacy from the people we loved the most in the world.

My chest tightened when Yoongi moved back, but didn't take his arms away. He avoided my eyes, and his arms from my lower back moved to my waist. I should have stepped away when he did that, but I didn't. I didn't, because I was desperate to feel something that resembled care. I should have stepped away, but I let my arms linger around his neck.