WHEN THE SEA IS ROUGH (ill hearts 2)

17

Eunbi

I waited. I packed my bags, changed into sweats and hoodie, and waited, with stupid hope that he would run after me. He didn't come back, leaving me free to guess that he came back to her. What else could he do? Run after me when everything he wanted was there? Money was there, popularity was there, Jiah was there.

I didn't cry. I was too empty to muster a single tear.

I moved out to my sister, but spared her any explanations. Saying this all over again was going to mess with my head. Besides, she wouldn't understand. Her life was perfect, and her husband never did anything like this. If it didn't happen to her, she had troubles understanding what someone was going through.

In need of comfort, I left her house, and walked where I knew I'd find it. On my way to Yoongi, I had to pause in the middle of the pavement when I realized it was yet another time I was going to see him because I lacked love, time and attention. I kept on seeing Yoongi because he was the only male friend I had, and when Jungkook wasn't by my side, Yoongi's presence gave me a sense of what I had with Jungkook.

But Yoongi was married, Yoongi had a child, and was my friend. I couldn't expect anything more than friendship from him. I didn't want more. All of it I wanted from Jungkook, not anyone I felt somewhat comfortable with.

I couldn't understand before why it angered Jungkook so much that I was spending time with Yoongi. I didn't see it. I didn't see I started choosing Yoongi over him, expecting that my boyfriend would ditch me once again. Even when he finally had some time for me, I was so used to the opposite, and so afraid of being stood up again, that I avoided him.

I should have come back to Soonmi's house, and leave Yoongi alone, but I did make some mess in their household, after all. If my life was falling apart, I wanted to fix at least one thing. Especially since everyone was already aware of what happened between me and Yoongi.

My breathing was short and flat as I waited for someone to open. It was a relief when Yoongi appeared behind the door.

"Oh, I was about to call you," he said.

"Why?"

He shook his head. "Just because. What are you doing here?"

"I wanna... talk to you... both of you," I said, giving him a telling look. We had to have this conversation with Sora. She knew what happened after Jungkook made a scene in front of them all. She left Sarang in her room, and came back. Yoongi told me she heard everything, but ever since, she was pretending it didn't happen.

He nodded, understanding look in his eyes, and showed me to come in. Sarang was asleep, and it was the three of us in the kitchen. No one knew how to start, but since I was the one who had the most to say, I pushed through the mess in my head.

"I wanna say something to both of you, but especially to Sora," I said, keeping my eyes on the table. "I know in the past two months I've been coming here a lot and... then... you know what happened... I want to apologize. I kept coming back because Yoongi's the only guy friend that I have and, in this whole mess with Jungkook, I was looking for comfort and... and I never intended for us to be anything but friends, and the kiss... it was-"

"It was my fault," Yoongi cut me off. His gaze was frozen, afraid, on one spot on the table. I looked up, and Sora took her eyes from me to him. "I felt the same. I felt like Eunbi. For a while you've been working a lot, and always leaving Sarang with your parents. I felt... I really felt like you didn't want me to spend time with you two. I felt lonely... and... I don't know what happened to me. We were both scared. I was scared of losing you and Sarang, Eunbi of losing Jungkook, and... and it shouldn't have happened, I know it. I was just... longing for the closeness we started losing."