I Need You To Feel Again

Haunted by my Past

TW: Suicidal thoughts, intrusive thoughts, cutting
Jack ended up waking up around four in the morning, he was completely restless and so antsy. He looked over at his boyfriend, perfectly asleep on his side of Jack's bed still holding onto Jack's hand loosely. Alex had his lips parted, as his head rested on his pillow with the covers up to his upper chest. Jack smiled slightly, but then all of a sudden the silence began to mess with the younger boy's head. Jack, use your blade, you know you haven't in a year. You want to. You want the feeling of the blood oozing out of your skin. You want it on you, you know you do. You're pathetic no one cares, you would not even get caught. Do it. Do it. DO IT. Jack covered his ears and tried to be quiet not to wake Alex who was still sound asleep at the moment. He began to shake, as his inner voice began to get louder. He let go of Alex's hand abruptly, and sprung out of bed, and ran to his bathroom. He slammed the door unaware of the noise he was creating, and locked the door, and turned on the lights. He opened his drawer in the bathroom and reached for his switchblade that was still there. Do it Jack it's in your hands you need the blood oozing off of your arms. You want it, you deserve to be hurt.

"Stop it," Jack muttered as he put his hand over his ear. No Jack not until you do it, don't tell Alex, don't tell anyone.

Jack's hands shook, and he was terrified. He remembered how hard it was for him to get clean last time, but he needed it. He flipped open the blade and touched the cold metal. He moved the blade against his left upper wrist, and he felt the blood ooze over his arm. Good again Jack deeper. Jack shivered, and he dropped his pajama pants, and rolled up his boxers, and cut again on his right thigh even deeper. He groaned and gripped the counter for balance. The blood was moving down his arm and legs and starting to drip on the floor. He quickly wrapped it up, and put his pants back on, and hid his switchblade where he removed the brick and there was a compartment he created. He had his knives and a few old joints. He hid it there and put the brick back in place.

He walked outside back to his room in a complete trance, and he saw Alex sitting up in bed.

"Hey baby, you okay? I heard the door slam," Alex yawns in his deep morning voice.

"Y y y yeah I just had to go to the bathroom," Jack muttered as he sat down next to Alex on his bed. Alex nodded and helped his boyfriend get back into bed. Jack felt so bad for lying to Alex, so he ended up not sleeping the rest of the night until their alarm went off. Alex yawned and kissed Jack when he woke up and cuddled next to him.

"I don't wanna get up Jackyyyyy," Alex groaned as he buried his head in Alex's chest. Jack kissed him gently and rubbed his back.

"I know baby but we have the whole day after school okay?" Jack whispered to him. Alex nodded and decided to get up and shower.
"You coming babe?" Alex asked him.

"No I'm okay I'm gonna get breakfast for us okay?" He smiled at Alex.

Alex nodded, and Jack was left in the room by himself. He didn't feel like getting up but he know he had to so Alex didn't see the cuts, and he didn't see that he hurt himself. He threw on a pair of jeans and new boxers but just kept the hoodie he slept in on. He walked downstairs and made him and Alex slices of toast and made them coffee too. Jack took his meds, he hoped it would keep him awake he's so tired. Alex walked downstairs and planted a kiss on Jack's cheek and smiled and sat down next to him.

"Thanks, baby," he smiled. Jack nodded and they both ate breakfast and headed off to school after that. They saw Zack and Rian, but Alex did most of the talking Jack was in a constant daze almost falling asleep while he stood up next to Alex.

"Jack," Alex said placing a hand on his shoulder.

"What?" Jack groaned as he held Alex's hand.