maybe, someday

11 // embarrassment

landon

if the boys were to have

seen my face or feel the emotions

i felt with the brush of our hands,

they'd mock me and claim

that deep down i had no balls

and was everything but a guy.

i was used to the names

and jokes the guys would belt

when we were together,

casually laughing at some of them.

they were far from right when

it came to us two and behind

every joke, was pure envy for

something they too seek

but not once found.

when the tips of your fingers

brushed just the slightest

over mind, the tiniest of hairs

stood tall and proud.

still,

you were as smooth as ever;

a clear sign that you still

used the vanilla lotion

i loved so much.

chuckling nervously,

i was about to speak and try

to ease away the awkwardness.

however,

the one person i wished to

have never taken notice upon

our encounter broke the silence.

my eyes bulged when my mother

threw her arms around your neck

pulling you into a tight embrace.

she continuously peppered kisses

on your cheek while mumbling

words that were unknown in

between each peck of affection.

the brush of our fingers lingering

upon another was embarrassing

enough but as my mother showered

you with her lips, i wished we were

both back in the awkward position

of your hand against mine.

and now instead of being a twenty-

five year old, i was back in my

bedroom at age eleven being

caught by my mother with a red

magazine in hand.