maybe, someday

37 // away

landon

"i feel sorry for you,"

you said, not bothering

to fight back on the word

vomit seeping through your

teeth.

"it hurt to watch you leave,

you took me with you

and i never thought i was

going to be just okay."

i shifted my eyes

focusing above the top

of your head on the water;

wanting to meet anything

but your glossed eyes.

you used to turn your

cheek and bite your lips until

they bleed to keep you from

speaking your mind but now

you faced me head on;

challenging me to hear

you out.

"but i found myself,"

you continued,

"and you..."

i lowered my eyes to

look at you and noticed

a few tears upon your cheeks.

you opened your mouth to

continue but your voice

cracked.

you tried to maintain

your confidence but even i

could tell you lost it slightly,

doubting yourself as your

voice failed.

"you're still lost landon."

correction: i've always been lost

besides the time i was with

you, sheltered in our shitty apartment

on the outskirts of town, bundled on

our white cotton mattress.

i did take you away from yourself

but i always took away myself

because the day i saw your stuff

in boxes and our mattress out on

the street was the day i lost myself.

and as i watched you fade within

the darkness, i finally understood

the same ache in your chest

that you felt that night when

i showed up with pink stains

and cottonmouth.

you were walking away

just as i had done

except the difference between

then and now was the fact

i was running right after

you.

c :U