maybe, someday

30 // honesty

brooklyn

we were sitting inches apart

yet i could still feel warmth radiating

off of your clothed skin and onto my own.

our gazes were fixed on the ocean,

letting out mouths speak for ourselves

rather than the look amongst our eyes.

thirty minutes had gone by since

my feet mindlessly walked up the

ramp and onto the tower;

the same tower where i last saw you

with pink stains on your neck.

"what happened to us?"

you mumbled, more so to yourself

rather than questioning me.

i turned my head and looked at you

and you leaned your head back

creating a small thud to echo from

your head colliding with the wood.

"do you remember when we

were here?"

i bite my lip and shook my head.

oh, how many times i tried to forget

our times here.

always bad, never good.

"they weren't the best of times,"

i whispered.

"i should've been there for you,"

you said, extending your legs out in front

of you. your hands lay at your sides while

your head faced me, your eyes frozen

upon my face.

i opened my mouth to protest and say

you were, even though we both knew

that would be a lie but you stopped

me before i even got a word out.

"i should've been there,"

you repeated.

"you were busy with other things,"

i said nonchalantly, referring to your

sessions and shows.

"doesn't matter," you said with

a slightly chuckled in annoyance.

"you were in pain and i didn't see

it, i only made it worse."

"landon!"

you blinked and shook your head,

then stared up at the night sky.

"i cheated on you."

"i fucking hit you, i should have

never fucking touched you."

"i never deserved you."

my vision blurred due to the

tears welding in my sockets

and i didn't bother to force the

tears to keep from falling.

i did too much hiding with you.

you weren't worth it.

i wanted to speak,

even scream at you for everything.

i wanted you to know what was

going on in my mind but every time

i tried to talk you kept interrupting

but really, i didn't mind.

it's not like i knew where to begin

or what to even say.

so instead, i let the tears fall

and listen to you rant on and on

about how shit you thought you were.

"i don't know why i thought we

could give whatever this was a go,"

you said tearing your gaze away from

me.

"i don't even know why you're here,"

you bitterly laughed at yourself,

"you should hate me."

i laughed and your head snapped,

your eyes wide in confusion and irritation.

i continued to laugh then wiped my eyes,

shaking my head i let out a groan.

"that's the thing, landon,"

i said bitterly, "i should hate you,

but i don't."