maybe, someday

24 // phobia

brooklyn

i was being childish, that i knew.

but i couldn't bring myself to turn

the door handle and see you face to face.

so, i ran.

away from the door, away from you.

i wanted to talk to you,

and put everything between us at bay.

but that was so hard to do

when i had no idea where to start and

what i would say.

my mind thought one thing,

my heart felt another.

and when i was standing near you,

everything i thought i knew evaporated

into thin air, making me forget

what should be done.

so here i was,

desperately wanting to open and throw

my arms around your neck

but instead, hiding in fear of you

and my feelings for you, feelings

i shouldn't be having.

what i wanted was for us to be perfect,

to go back to being what we were

before- before everything fell apart in

my fingers, burning into ash.

we were far from perfect to the

point where we'd never be close to

being such.

i should have never spoken to you,

should've walked out of that shop

the moment you arrived to take my

order. i should've held my head high

and turned the other cheek; yet all

i did was break down the wall

and allow myself to become that once

weak girl who allowed someone to

clench her heart until it bled no more.

that weak girl who lost herself in another

and had to travel on her own to find herself agan.

i allowed myself to

allow you to smash me to pieces

and sweep me away

and i was terrified that i would allow

such heartache and pain to fill me once again.