Evolution of a lover's heart | jjk

27

The last time Jeongguk slept with anyone was that time he followed a girl home from the bar. The night he overheard Namjoon and his friends. And that was, what, mid-March? The red numbers have ticked down so fast, and he can't believe it's already the end of June.

Ever since he laid his eyes on you again back in March, you're all that's been on his mind, and the mere thought of someone else touching him makes him cringe. Sometimes, he wishes he could just man up and find someone. Just for a night. Someone who wants to touch him, maybe even pretend to love him. On a particularly lonely night, he reaches for his phone and scrolls his contacts in search of a name he should've deleted. Despite not being close to sleep, the screen's brightness still blinds him, and he has to lower it before he can start typing. It's two a.m., and he's well aware of how it comes across, but that's the point, so he doesn't stop.

'You up?'

Then again, he can't promise he would even get it up with the way he's so hung up on you. Or maybe he would, only to accidentally moan your name instead of hers? And then cry out of embarrassment and guilt?

A message comes through only a few minutes later.

'Yeah, what's up?'

Jeongguk stares at the text, but he's unable to formulate an answer. He knows he shouldn't—he promised. In the end, he locks the phone, and like most nights when he can't sleep, he traces his fingers over his tattoos the way you used to do, and if he closes his eyes, it feels almost the same. Some nights, it's his chest and stomach he focuses on—other nights, it's his sides. Though he rarely ventures beyond the waistband of his shorts, anything sexual still feels so wrong.

Regardless, he misses you.

With his fridge wide open, Jeongguk trails his eyes over the contents. Beer, beer, beer. Yeah, he's got enough. He shuts the door and checks his watch. Six p.m. Tae will arrive any second now.

As if his friend is some kind of mind reader, he chooses that exact moment to ring Jeongguk's doorbell, and Jeongguk steers his steps towards the door.

But it's not Tae who stands on the other side.

It's you.

"Oh, hi," he greets, confusion lacing his words as he wonders why you've decided to show up without at least texting first. It's not like he minds, but he knows you're so insistent on never being a burden that you always ask if he's busy first. Especially since you haven't talked lately.

You don't immediately greet him back or move towards the door. No, you simply stand there, looking at him with a perplexed frown.

"Uh..."

"I left him."

At first, Jeongguk is convinced he misheard you because you didn't just say that you left your fiancé, there's no way. Not a mere month and a half before the wedding. Then, it starts to sink in that, yes, that's exactly what you said. And you seem like you haven't processed it entirely yourself even.