Evolution of a lover's heart | jjk

52

It's only when you're outside his door that you realize you should've probably reached out before. But you're already there, and although his windows were dark when you left, you don't think he's already asleep.

To be on the safe side, you knock a few times before you twist the key in the lock.

"Gguk?" you call quietly.

Dumping your shoes at the door, you venture through the darkness until you reach his bedroom. The door has been left open by a sliver, but you knock on that one as well.

When you peer around it, he sits on the side of his bed with the duvet thrown to the side like he's on his way up. And your heart beats with longing at the sight of him.

Even through the dark, you can see that he has, as usual, foregone a shirt and is only dressed in a pair of black shorts. His hair is slightly messy, not like he's been sleeping but at least lied down.

"Are you okay?"

His voice, deep and worried, causes something to break inside you, and your eyes tear up again. "No." Tentatively, you step closer. "I can't sleep, not without you and not knowing if we're okay."

"Stay? If you want?" he breathes, and it's all it takes for you to approach his bed.

However, you don't go for what's your unofficial side, but you find yourself in front of him.

His skin is warm when you ghost your hand over his arm, and his eyes are a mix of warmth and understanding with a trace of worry.

"I'm sorry for leaving like that," you whisper.

He grasps your hand from his arm, holding it softly and rubbing his thumb over the back of it. In turn, you climb onto his lap, letting go of his hand in favor of wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face in his neck.

Jeongguk rubs your back. "It's okay."

You feel your emotions start to bubble up inside you once more, and the tears are blocking your throat.

"No, it's not," you argue. "I should've stayed with you."

Finally, a tear spills over again, and your voice breaks, "But it broke my heart, Jeongguk. Hearing all of that? You defending it?"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to worry about something I don't think that much about anymore."

"Tae said she called you. When we were... you know? So are you sure? Do you really not think about her?"

He's quiet for a while, seemingly gathering his words. "I'm sorry, I've never–you're the only one I'm interested in, and I've never spoken to her while we were... together or what it is that we've been doing."

That's not even remotely something you were worried about. You never suspected him of somehow cheating on you, and you don't care in case he spoke to someone else when you were broken up. You care that he perhaps spoke to her.

"But you talked to her? Why?"

He takes a few seconds, most likely to gather his thoughts.

"I guess... sometimes being on rock bottom is easier because you don't have to worry about falling. It's easier to already know that you won't succeed than to hope you do and be a disappointment when you don't.

"It's true that I don't usually think about her, I've been so busy thinking about you. But after I broke it off with you, I was lonely... and I just wanted... someone. Maybe to treat me how I deserved and sort of reassure me I did the right thing. But I didn't actually see her; haven't done so since we stopped dating years ago."