Evolution of a lover's heart | jjk

29

"You awake?" you whisper as quietly as you can. If he's not, you don't want to wake him.

"Mhm," Jeongguk answers.

He's lying on his side with his back facing you in the darkness of his bedroom. It's just after midnight and around thirty minutes after he shut the lights off.

But you can't sleep. Something is pulling at you, its claws anchored into your heart, and... pulling. The force seems to come from beside you.

Soundlessly, you slide your hand along the white sheets.

"Can I... Can I touch you?"

A few anxious seconds pass between your question and his reply, and you think you must've caught him off guard.

"Yeah," he breathes.

Slowly, even a little hesitantly, your hand touches his back. It feels strange to run your hand over someone else's skin in the middle of the night like this. But at the same time, it feels right.

Jeongguk's warm as usual, his skin so soft and inviting. After making contact with his back, you trace your hand higher. Over his shoulders and up to his neck where you tug oh so gently on the hairs at his nape.

A big and relaxed sigh leaves his body, and you can't help but smile.

He looks tired when he rolls over a little clumsily, causing your hand to retreat, but he's smiling too. He's been looking happier the last two weeks, and although you know he's been taking on the role of the strong and supportive friend who's always trying to cheer you up, you whole-heartedly believe he feels happier too. Seems like feeling needed is making him feel less guilty. Understandable.

Jeongguk gazes at you with his eyes half shut and stretches his arms over his head. It's not long until he reaches for your motionless hand in between your bodies and places it on his chest.

And you could never deny him anything when he looks like that, even if you probably crave the touches more than he does. It's just so beautiful on him, happiness. His hair is all over the place, sticking out in some places and flat against his head in others. You think he's closed his eyes entirely now, but you can't really tell in the dark, yet he's still smiling so happily.

With every glide of your fingertips against his skin, you put as much of your love as you can into it. You truly hope he realizes how appreciated he is, how much you love him. Although the scars of Namjoon haven't healed entirely yet, without Jeongguk, you'd most likely still prepare to walk down the aisle to a lifelong commitment of denial.

"You like this, don't you?" you tease softly.

You've been friendly, joking back and forth, so it's nothing new. It's mostly when the sun sets and day turns to darkness that the words usually get stuck in your head. Still, you can tell Jeongguk counts every smile and joke coming from you as a blessing, just like you've so often found yourself doing for him.

"Mhm," he hums contentedly. 

Switching techniques, you lighten the pressure even more and lift your fingers until all that's touching him are your nails. You know it's bordering on ticklish, but you also know he likes that. And you like seeing the way goosebumps appear in the wake of your unpainted nails.

"Thank you. For being so patient with me."

Despite keeping your eyes locked on your hands against his skin, you can feel him looking at you.

"You know that I'm not... expecting anything in return, right?" is what he mumbles quietly, carefully. "When you feel ready, you can walk away from here as nothing more than a friend of mine. A great friend, but a friend, nonetheless."