Evolution of a lover's heart | jjk

34

It's nearing two a.m. when you step down from your heels, kicking them to the side to continue barefoot on Jeongguk's hardwood floor. Without the shoes, your blue dress drags behind you, and you almost trip on the front of it as well. Let's just say that the alcohol, though not overconsumed, isn't exactly helping.

You send one last heart-filled text to Yuna, wishing her and Yoongi a great honeymoon, and then you look up, head turning to search for Jeongguk. He was only a few steps ahead of you, but now, he seems to have disappeared.

"Gguk?" You call, the happy floatiness of an eventful evening—shared between loved ones and turned into a quiet night between even closer ones—still lingering. Almost like magic.

His apartment remains mostly dark, meaning that he for some reason just walked inside without turning the lights on.

You slip your phone into the pocket of Jeongguk's jacket that hangs from your shoulders, and you head towards the living room with a smile on your face.

"Gguk?" you try again, but uneasiness fills your stomach when you spot him.

He stands at one of the three windows, having opened it as if needing to breathe fresh air despite being outside only minutes ago.

"You know this is wrong, right?"

Without turning around, his voice cuts through the air, and the shift is confusing. You grasp the dress at your thigh where you've come to stand, fiddling slightly with the fabric as you find your voice.

"What is?"

It looks as if he's giving a casual shake of his head, but there's a certain sense of defeatedness and almost arrogance to it as well.

"This," he gestures haphazardly between himself and back to you without ever looking back. "Us."

Your feet are frozen to the floor, and you feel yourself shrink a little.

What?

Hadn't he kissed you back only an hour ago? Held your hand all night and rubbed his thumb over your skin? Sure, he was a little quieter than when it's only the two of you, but you assumed it was just because of all the strange people. Besides, you can still feel the warmth of his lips against yours.

"What do you mean?" you ask, and if he'd turn around, he'd see the worry written across your face.

"I just... I can't do this."

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. It comes out shaky. You try to keep it contained, keep your emotions from floating outside the lines of your body.

"Did something happen?" you ask carefully. "D—did I do something?"

There's nothing in particular that stands out. Nothing from the past few hours that you can pinpoint as the catalyst.

"No, I've just come to the realization."

"Oh, okay. That's... okay," you answer, nodding although he can't see it. Because it is okay, it has to be. After all, the changes in your relationship have been quick. Smooth, you think—well, thought —but quick.

"We don't have to... We can go back to just being friends if you want."

But the following silence is painful and so, so telling. It goes on, second after second, and somewhere inside your chest, your heart beats weaker and weaker.

"Do you... not want to be friends either?" you finally ask, taking a small step forward. Your fingers fiddle with the hem of his jacket.

"I don't think—maybe it's just best if..."