Evolution of a lover's heart | jjk

43

The best Jeongguk, in your opinion, is playful Jeongguk. And sleepy Jeongguk; that man with his hair all over the place and his warm, puffy face is truly a force to be reckoned with. If only he knew how pathetically wrapped around his finger you are.

Even though periods of time have passed when you haven't always seen playful Jeongguk a lot, you know he's in there. You know that at his core, Jeongguk is playful. Playful and competitive, and you're at your very happiest when he's relaxed enough to let it out.

Almost like the time when his playfulness shone through at the pier, one day you find yourself stepping out of his car, and the mood changes.

"You're being mean," he whines at you over the roof of the black car. "You're not supposed to laugh at Jin's jokes."

You chuckle, shutting the door. Jeongguk huffs, patting the pockets of his bomber jacket and black pants before narrowing his eyes at you.

"Did you take my phone?"

"No?" you lie, zero effort put into making it believable.

For one second, you stare at each other, both knowing what's to come, and then, you're sprinting towards his building.

Luckily for you, Jeongguk still has to grab his bag from the trunk and lock the car which gives you just enough time to enter the code, step inside, and watch the heavy door fall shut behind you.

As if the universe's wholly on your side, the elevator happens to already be on the ground floor and the doors open as soon as you hastily press the button. They also close just as Jeongguk has entered the code, and he barely misses it.

At first, you're feeling confident that you'll at least make it into his apartment without him catching you, but then the elevator dings on the third floor. It's Mrs. Kim, and she's definitely not in a hurry as she enters the tiny metal box, pressing the button for floor number six despite it already glowing, and saying she just came from visiting another neighbor.

What scares you–literally gets your heart pounding ten million miles a second–are the fast and heavy footsteps echoing in the staircase right next to the elevator. Fuck. You can tell he's taking at least three steps at a time, that maniac.

Fortunately, Jeongguk doesn't make it to the third floor before you're already on your ascent once more, and you try very politely not to get caught in too deep of a conversation with Mrs. Kim since you'll literally need to gun it the second the doors open.

Said and done, the moment the elevator comes to a stop and the doors slide open, you're bidding Jeongguk's sweet old neighbor goodbye, and with your heart in your throat, sprinting toward his door.

Prepared with the key already in hand, unlocking his door only takes a few seconds, and then, you're inside. Despite not having to run up the stairs like a certain someone, you're still breathing heavily. But then it hits you. What will you do next? It's only a matter of seconds before Jeongguk arrives, and there isn't even something you can keep between him and you like a kitchen island.

When he finds you, he'll get you.

Feeling mischievous, you still drop his phone in the pocket of a jacket hanging from a hanger on the coat rack, and then you decide to just wait nervously.

Might as well remove your shoes and coat in the meantime.

It doesn't take long; a key twisting in the lock, and there he stands.

"Oh, boy. Got you now," he breathes heavily.

You watch him step inside and drop the bag to the floor casually. He knows just as well as you that there's nowhere for you to escape; still, you take a few steps backward.

"You're not gonna try and run?" he questions with a cocked eyebrow as he's shutting and locking the door behind him.

"Well, I didn't do anything..." you give him your best, most innocent puppy eyes, but you can tell he sees right through them.

"Well," he mocks you, "I think you're lying."

For every slow step he takes, you take one backward. Until he lunges at you.

You shriek, feeling the ground disappear from underneath your feet. Quickly, and with your arms clinging tightly to his neck, Jeongguk carries you into his bedroom where he dumps you onto his bed.

You laugh, even more so when he starts to tickle your sides.

"Where is it, huh?" he interrogates, choosing to gently pat all your pockets with one hand, the other still tickling your squirming body. Even with both your hands, you can't pry it off you.

"I don't have it, I promise," you manage to get out between fits of laughter.

"Oh? What's this?"

The tickling stops and gives you a chance to catch your breath as Jeongguk examines the device he just pulled out from the back pocket of your jeans. But it's your phone, not his, and he soon drops it on the bed next to your head, his attention back on you.

"Please, kind sir, I beg your mercy."

"Too bad. I don't have any," he quips, and you squeal from laughter as both of his hands start to torment your poor sides. "Where is it?"

You laugh harder, and with all the movement, it's no surprise that your shirt starts to ride up. It catches Jeongguk's attention, and his torturing slows.

"Oh, you didn't tell me you have a—"

Then, everything halts.

Jeongguk's hand is warm against your ribs where he grasped the hem of your shirt to see better.

You don't have to look down to know what it is that has made his once infectious smile fade and his eyes widen in that very emotional way.

Eventually, his teary gaze flickers back to your face. "You—you... when?"

It's not new. The little swallow etched into your skin healed a long time ago. Nor is it an exact replica of Jeongguk's tattoo; instead of swooping in and almost seen from above, your bird is portrayed in thinner lines with its wings up. Still, you both know who inspired it.

"Three years ago."

Two years after Jeongguk, one before you met Namjoon.

He inhales shakily and by the way his bottom lip trembles and his eyes have become glassy, it doesn't surprise you much when he hurries to bury his face in your neck.

Your hands move, one to stroke the back of his head and the other his back. "It stuck with me," you explain softly. "'Feeling lost and longing for something to guide you home.'"

Jeongguk's not crying, at least you don't think he is. There aren't any sniffles or shaky breaths. He just needs a moment, and you know exactly why.

You spend a minute in silence, letting him have all the time he needs.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs earnestly and so, so sadly.

You close your eyes but hug him tighter. "I know."

The truth is that it really doesn't hurt you anymore, what happened back in college, and you wish for the guilt to unhook its claws from Jeongguk too. Then again, if the roles were reversed, you wouldn't have been able to let go so easily either. You guess it's a matter of time, and hopefully, time really is something you'll have a lot of.