Step of Faith

Chapter III: Shedding tears

Chapter III

Last night after unpacking my bags and boxes I couldn't fall asleep. It was always hard to adjust to new places for me so the change of scenery was something to overcome once again.

I had traveled quite a lot for my competitions throughout my life, and I had to fight insomnia almost every time. It was like a repetitive cycle of torture. But I never got used to the feeling of trying to sleep in unfamiliar beds.

Theo's words were also a part of the reason I couldn't sleep. They kept ringing in my head like an annoying alarm. No matter how many times I tried to get my brain to think about something else, it wouldn't.

He didn't like me, that much was clear. I had a hunch that he would do anything to make me quit because he thinks I'm trying to act "better than them".

I feel like if I show him that this isn't a joke to me and that I really care, maybe then he would trust me. The guy clearly had something to work on in his own head.

It seemed like accepting help or advice from someone other than a coach he's known for years was unbearable.

But I understand him. I've been in that position, so I have to give him time. I just had to hope that he'd come around because working with him when he hates my guts will be absolute torture.

As I got out of bed chills ran up my body, the cool air hitting my legs. I stretched and did my morning affirmations.

Some might say I have my life together from the looks of it. I would like to say that too but it's pretty hard considering the feeling of everything slipping out of my grasp.

Maybe because I still blame myself for something I had no control over. I do that a lot. Overthinking is one of my specialties at this point.

But I didn't have time for reminiscing in memories. I had to eat breakfast before I head to a doctor's appointment and then go to my first class.

Outside the window, I could see the sun peaking over roofs and casting a slight orange tone across my room. It was beautiful.

I put on black jeans, a white shirt, and a blazer. I put my hair in a low ponytail and got my bag.

While making my way downstairs I realized the house was dead silent. Everyone was most likely still sleeping. It was 6:15 am on a Wednesday so I wouldn't put it past them.

I set it on a barstool while I made myself breakfast. I had gotten myself bagels yesterday so I could quickly make them and have a light snack.

I saw Theo enter the kitchen while I was putting cream cheese on my bagels, contemplating whether to say good morning or not.

"Good morning," I decided I should try to make the best of the awkward atmosphere he had put us in.

He looked my way but didn't say anything back. Now I felt stupid. Should I try to make conversation or maybe just stay quiet? I didn't know.

I loved talking to people, it was fun. I considered myself an outgoing person but around him, I felt scared. Not of him but more of saying the wrong thing and making it worse.

"Why are you up so early?" I asked him. Regretting it immediately when he turned towards me.

"I couldn't sleep, I was out for a run," he answered and turned back to observe the fridge.

"Do you run often?" 

"Only when I feel like it, I don't like forcing things. For example, this conversation. We don't have to talk, let's just sit in silence."