leave me be: Grian / Hermitcraft

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Hello, welcome to my new book :DD this is a Grian/hermitcraft book and there is a lot of angst

tws are in the description, theyll not be in the chapters, so please- if any trigger you then dont read this book for your own well-being and safety <33

Grian's pov:

The sound of blocks being broke echoed through the cave. Mining. Mining. Mining. Grian, Mumbo, Scar and Pearl were all mining through the deep caves for various items; some in search for diamonds while others looked for anything of value. And honestly, scar was just there because he had to be "Protected from dying again" by Grian.

Coal torches lit up their paths as they went further down into the underground where there was no other sources of light that they knew of. The four mostly stayed as a group together - chatting about random subjects and topics - but occasionally split up down different twists and turns they came across on their 'adventures'. The time neared 6pm, and Grian found he had more mini-projects to complete before the end of the day.

"Hey guys I think I'm going to start heading back to my base now now, i need to start doing the back" He replied, emphasising and dragging out the word 'back'.

"Woah! Grian doing the back of his base this early in the season? Who swapped our Grian that never does the back of his builds for one that does?" Pearl's Australian accent joked loudly, her voice bouncing off of the rocks like a rabbit on a bouncy castle.

"Shocker, I know." Grian replied in an extra-posh British accent, making the rest of the group laugh, "But if i dont do it straight away then its most likely that i will never finish it," he continued as he turned around and firing a rocket, causing his elytra to almost send him flying into a pile of pretty rocks that Scar had taken a liking to while on his 'adventures'. Grian paused, "Well that could have been a disaster." He pointed out before walking out of the tunnels by foot because he didn't wish to risk that disaster to actually happen.

'

The rest of the hermits in that group thought nothing of it as they continued mining until about midnight; which was when they all departed back to their separate bases.

'

Once Grian had got back to his base, he gathered up a bunch of materials and resources from his chest monster to finally begin building the back of the building. He didnt desperately need to do the back, he just wanted time by himself, his social battery had felt very drained recently. The little voices inside of his head had grown progressively louder and louder in his mind. If he hadn't already had a headache, he certainly would've had one then.

Music! Music usually quietened - or even silenced - them for a short while, it was like for once they could harmonise and calmly sing along to the verses and melody of the tune. It was like they were happy.

Scrolling through his Spotify playlist, he decided that now would be a great time to play his "quieten the words" playlist. He placed his headphones on and waited for the negativity to transform into the form of lyrics. It shuffled through various songs which felt both uncannily relatable and also filled him with energy. He grabbed his blocks, and began placing them on the beats.

It was strange how quickly he could zone out of his surroundings when he really focussed on things... especially building.

People had always told Grian that he had a certain knack for building, a gift for it. Although he didnt see it himself: he quite enjoyed it as a hobby to pass time. He also liked to paint, but that was a different story for a different time.

It was also crazy how fast he could build his structures, he'd almost finished the entire back of his base in just over three hours, and it looked pretty good if he didn't say so himself; it just needed some more detail added at a further date. As much as he wanted to continue, he knew that it would be slightly suspicious if his friends knew that he'd supposedly been up all night building, and his build would go very sloppy with exhaustion.

Meh, probably could do with the pain of another all-nighter to be fair. His mind told him.

He'd fallen victim to his thoughts, he should have disagreed - tried to rebel - but he couldn't. It was the truth.

He sighed before grabbing more things from his chests and once again beginning to place them. He worked throughout the whole night, until his blurred vision thought that it was perfect.

Despite feeling slight;y dizzy, he still refused to let his mind rest. He felt that he simply didnt deserve the comfort of sleep. Sat at his desk, Grian reached his hand out to grab a pencil and a notebook so he could begin plotting out the interior of his base, there was a lot he could do with all the extensive amounts of space inside of the structure that he finally called his own.

Stars spread throughout the misty night sky again, holy shit he'd been here all day? Rain pattered down the window, and Grain hadn't had any ideas other than the ones which he thought were really bad and poorly designed.

He sighed, "I'm a failure" he said, his voice too weak to say it over a whisper. He didn't think anyone would hear, and fortunately for him no-one did. As though it was on cue, the rain fell heavier and a shooting star shot across the sky just as Grian was stood at his window closing the curtains.

I wish to be happy.
I wish to be happy.
I wish to be-

A smile climbed onto his face, partly from the shooting star, but mostly from the realisation of what he desired to do; what he desired to do ages ago.

Dizzy, he wondered towards his bathroom.
Locking it behind him after he entered.

He didnt want any of his friends walking in on him while he... cut. His shaky hand grasped out for a blade, and held it tightly in the palm of his hand.

He turned over his wrist before tracing over the long scar that went along his forearm with the edge of the blade. It hurt, but it felt deserved. It just felt right. The voices weren't even the ones to tell him to do it that time (they were actually the ones who had decided to argue that he shouldn't do it); but it was his own conscience, his "happy thoughts" had already processed that it was the best thing for him to do at that moment, it had once been routine and muscle-memory. Minutes flew by like seconds as he stared dully at his arm, and panic spread through Grian when he remembered about the server meeting which was scheduled for in a couple of hours.

Adrenaline raced through him like cars on a racetrack while he badly bandaged his arm and got ready for the day ahead of him. Eye-bags had formed below his eyes, extremely noticeable, yet they looked like black eyes. So if he got asked questions then he could say that he was punched in an unfortunate encounter with a zombie.

Actually, the same could be told about his wrist. He'd have been 'building the back of his base when a zombie spawned right next to him, holding a sword. Grian's arm got stabbed a bit and then he got whacked in the eyes'. And if anyone got suspicious or saw through his lies... he'd have to deal with that later.

He neatened his hair slightly and grabbed the key for the tower before flying out of his home and towards the place wherever the meeting was planned to happen.

1338 words

26.06.2022