𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑔𝒶𝓏𝒾𝓃𝑔 (Stargazing)

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟥

My mind was still stuck in the shift earlier that day. The warmness of my comforter provided a soothing feeling that I longed for throughout the day. Despite my joy of sleeping, my mind kept wandering to various parts of that day. Rolling over, I noticed that it was almost midnight, my phone turning a bluish color immediately. Someone texted me?

Grabbing the cold metal, I lifted the phone and opened it to see one of my coworkers texting me.

"Hey man, how was your shift with Abby today?" Dillan asked. Dillan was a whatever employee, who'd sit in the crew room on his phone or just talk throughout the shift while doing the most minute tasks. He and I were somewhat friends, but we never really talked outside of work.

"It was good, how's New Jersey?" I asked, waiting a moment for him to respond.

"It's alright, why aren't you texting Abby?" Raising my eyebrow, I began typing my next message.

"She's asleep right now," I explained, his response causing me to become a little curious.

"Well, she's texting me right now." The thought hurt me just a little bit. Maybe she was tired but Dillan texted her and she wanted to respond. I laid there for a moment, thinking of what to say. Suddenly, a thought popped into my mind.

I could ask him to text her about certain things and then show me what she says about them. I could learn if she likes me or not. I smiled at the thought, but that smile quickly faded away. Something about this idea felt shady and wrong. Despite that thought, my body had already pressed the send button.

"What have you guys been talking about?" I asked, anxiousness building up in my body like a skyscraper. Waiting patiently, I anticipated his answer, hoping that this next question could bring me closer to knowing the answer to my long thought questions.

"Oh, just generic stuff. Her family, favorite foods, that's about it. Why?" I knew what I wanted to do, but my mind stopped me. Think about how she would feel if she ever learned you did this? How would you feel if anyone did this to you?

The world around me faded to black as I thought about this life changing decision. Such a decision that despite its simplicity, had significant impact on everything. I felt the two sides of my body, my mind versus my heart. My mind knew this was wrong but my heart told me that I should so that I could know. Quietly, I tapped every letter gently, putting care with every digit.

"Could you talk to her for me?" Tapping the send button, I sighed in relief, quietly waiting for Dillan's response. I saw the small cloud with the three dots raising up and down, constantly starting and stopping.

"What do you want me to ask her?" I paused; how did I want to approach this so that it didn't seem unnatural. I wanted it to really seem like it was Dillan's words and not mine.

"Ask her how her shift was today, then show me her response," I explained, my mind racing with so many thoughts and emotions. I wanted to ask her what she thought of me. Ask her if she cared about me the way I did her. My heart began beating faster as every second felt longer, anticipating the screenshot he would send me.

After an eternity, he sent me the image.

"How was your shift today?"

"It was good, I got to work with Kevin."

I read the purple text boxes with a huge grin, my heart beating faster than ever before. My fingers began typing while my mind raced with different exciting thoughts.

"Oh nice, how was that?" I told Dillan to say, following the same pattern of waiting an eternity for a response. I closed the phone screen, putting myself back into the darkness of the room. I sat in the darkness for the longest time, waiting quietly for a moment of relief from this feeling of anxiousness. The vibrating of my phone knocked me out of this trance, opening the home screen to the text screenshot that laid in the middle of it.

"Oh nice, how was that?"

"Oh, it was good. It's just that..."

"Just what?"

"Oh nothing, it's just that everywhere I go, he's always there. It's like I walk to a different part of the store and BOOM, there he is."

"Oh okay."

I paused, what was that supposed to mean? Was I annoying to her? Did I bother her too much today?

"What do you want me to say?" Dillan texted, my heart skipping a beat upon his text. What do I say here? I let my emotions take over my mind, hoping I could somehow save myself from falling into the rocky valley of love.

"Do you like him? I know you two are close and it seems to be everyone's guess." I waited, my heart beating faster while the nervousness in me grew. I couldn't close the phone screen, my eyes nailed to the text history. I quickly left Dillan and I's text messages and moved to Abigails.

I began reading over our messages, trying to relieve the sudden adrenaline and anxiousness that built up inside of me. It was the small text box that appeared above the screen that knocked me from this trance, stating that Dillan had sent me a picture. As I watched it disappear, I got nervous, not knowing what to do if things went wrong. There was no way, after everything her and I had been through, why wouldn't she? Exiting our messages, I moved to Dillan's, reading the screenshot he sent me.

"Do you like him? You two seem fairly close so I was curious?"

"I know, everyone thinks we like each other but that's not the case. I don't like him like that but people make it seem that way and I can tell that it's getting to him. I plan to explain it to him Saturday though, you know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, I understand that. I hope things go well between the two of you."

"Thank you."

My heart stopped, eyes going wide, my body turning numb. I paused; my body frozen in time for a solid moment.

"I'm sorry man, you doing okay?" How do I respond? What do I say to him?

"Yeah, I'm okay, just a little tired right now," I explained, closing my phone and placing it onto my nightstand. Looking to the clock, I noticed that it was 12:07. My vision became foggy as my heart continued to race, my mind stuck to her and I holding each other a few hours before. I couldn't feel anything; I couldn't understand what was going on.

I felt my soul being pushed into the valley of love, the cold rocks of memories surrounding me. The rapid air of regret and misery began wrapping itself around me, chilling me to the bone with its despair. As I fell towards the cold, hard ground, I looked up to the cliff. Her beautiful silhouette stood at the edge, looking down on me with its beauty as my eyes began tearing up. What was this emotion I felt?

Why was I the one that was pushed into this valley, awaiting my bodies destruction upon the impact of the ground? Time slowed as I laid there, thinking through the memories we had together, the water in my eyes starting to spill out. I was finally laid to rest as my eyes closed, my body hitting the cold, bitter stone ground.