The Deep End

Chapter 25

•Riot•

Polina drifts into a deep sleep between Luca and I. My mind is still reeling from us taking her at the same time, it was unlike any sexual experience I've had before. It wasn't actually my first threesome but it felt as if it had been. Polina's come to mean so much more than I ever expected her to. Being with her and Luca together made me feel more complete than I probably ever have in my life. I wanted to regret it because it only strengthened our connection which will make it hurt more when I have to let her go but I don't.

Luca's gaze meets mine over her head. His eyes are cold and filled with agony. He's never going to forgive me for this. I don't think he'll ever look at me the same way again and it kills me. I can't change it though. If it means they both lived I'd accept their resentment toward me, even if it did make my chest ache.

Luca and I lay in silence, letting Polina sleep for a while until we knew we should head home. She gives us a grumpy frown while we clean her off and get her dressed. We both get dressed and Luca carries her out of the club. She snuggles into his chest and quickly falls back asleep before we even make it to the car. She sleeps the entire ride home and doesn't even stir when Luca carries her upstairs and lays her on the bed.

Luca and I go into the ensuite, shutting the door behind us. We strip down and slip into the shower before the water can even heat up, neither of us wanting to be away from Polina long. His eyes are pain filled, glimmering with emotion as he stares me down while we wash off. His sad gaze guts me. I pull him into my arms and press a kiss against his head but neither of us say anything, Polina overhearing would only make things harder but I know that even without saying the words aloud he knows I'm apologizing.

After our shower we slip into bed with Polina between us. I leave space between her and I and turn on my side, watching as she snuggles into him, seeking his comfort even while asleep. He brushes a gentle kiss against her temple, his eyes pinching closed like the contact pains him.

When Luca finally falls asleep some of the tension in my body lessens at the sight of his relaxed face. I spend most of the night watching them, my mind wandering, mentally going over each detail of my plan for the next few months. I fall asleep but wake up a couple hours later, my heart racing as the nightmare I had plays in my head on repeat. It was the same nightmare I'd had off and on since I was a child. I'd wake up thinking my hands were covered in my uncle's blood but this time it wasn't his, it was Polina's.

I take in a deep, shuddering breath, trying my best to erase the image of Polina dead form from my head. A warm hand snakes across my bare stomach, fingers digging into my abdomen as she pulls herself closer to me. She sighs in content when she's molded to my side, her breath crashing against my neck but instead of chasing the bad dream away she makes it feel like reality. Her fragile life is in the palm of my hand, something I've always been good at playing with but this time it feels as if it's slipping through my fingers and I'm unsure of how to stop it. I've suddenly forgotten how to dance between the line of life and death and I can feel myself stumbling toward death, unable to get my footing no matter how hard I try.

I feel like I'm suffocating, like my lungs refuse to take air in. I quickly slip out of bed ignoring the little frown Polina gives in her sleep in my absence. I get dressed and go downstairs, heading straight for my office and shutting myself inside. I sink into my chair, feeling like I can finally breathe again. I pluck a cigar from its case, cutting the end before lighting it. I watch the embers consume the tobacco, smoke snaking up off the flame and filling my nose with the pungent scent, my free hand tapping against my thigh.