Dying is the Easiest Part

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

More Precious Than Birds

It's all the same. How the world revolves before that night... that night where I attempted to take away my own life.

It's all the fucking same. The only difference is it feels like I'm living in a fictional world with a touch of reality in it. You know, those contemporary romance type of books like Love and Gelato, The Sun is also a Star, where the characters are fictionals but the place is not.

I've read something on the internet before about those fuck up what ifs that would keep you wondering up all night.

What if when we randomly hear a voice calling our names means that our relatives or family are trying to wake us up from a coma?

But I didn't wake up from a coma when I got here. I woke up from my sleep.

Could this be that the world where I used to believe was true and the parents I knew were all a product of my dreams? And the dream felt too real that I forgot about this world where I was originally from?

I still don't know. I've been trying to figure things out for a week now. I did my best to research and I found out that we're in the year 2020 right now, but without the pandemic. It's so weird. I've been searching for answers but it feels like I'm just going in circles.

***

After an hour of attempting to find answers and give my brain a hemorrhage, I just decided to go out of the house. The relationship between me and my Dad is still not good. For the whole week of me choosing to isolate myself inside my room, he keep on trying to reach out to me (he even bring me food on a daily basis) but I just couldn't find the interest to spend time with him or reciprocate the care that he's trying to give me.

Don't get me wrong, hindi ko naman siya binabastos. Sumasagot naman ako sa mga tanong niya pero wala talaga akong gana sa kanya.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginawa niya pero iyon ang nararamdaman ko.

"Maeve!" I hear Marissa's voice. I tilt my head to look towards her direction and she was smiling at me and waving her hands.

I nod and I guess he takes that as her cue to walk towards me and approach me. She got the wrong signal, unfortunately.

"What's up?" she greets with a smile.

"Nothing much. You?" I ask, adding a clipped you because I think it's rude not to. Not that I care if I'm being rude or not, the world has been rude to me ever since so why would I care about being rude to other people?

"I'm planning to go to the Walmart today to buy some flour, eggs, and stuff." She says.

"What are you making?" I ask her.

"I'm trying to make a cake and some cupcakes," she says and I almost barf. Ugh, how I hate baking. My mom loved baking and we always fight when she does.

The kitchen gets messy when she bakes and she wants me to clean all of it. She complains about everything, especially when she's doing all the work, it's so fucking irritating.

She also has a temper of a castrated bulldog that's why we never get along so much. We argue a lot of how she reacts over petty things. I also don't like the way she throws her words. I hate her, I love her. It's fucking complicated.

Either she's my best friend, or she's a spawn from Satan, there's no in between.

I nod after forcing myself back to this reality. "Good for you." I say.