although // shin ryujin

if you see roses, ignore them.

(ryujin's pov)

"w-what is this?" i nervously asked jangmi, as i flipped to the empty pages to see if there was a continuation to whatever i just read. although, even if there was, i probably wouldn't try to read it.

it's not the fact that the entry of these two girls sounded very similar to ours that has my heart beating fast and my brain overworking, it's the fact that this must be jangmi's mothers diary, which means it has no relation to us whatsoever, but every connection seems to relate to ours.

unless this is all some sort of misunderstanding and jangmi somehow wrote this herself while she was drunk and she somehow forgot.

"ryujin, i'm drunk." was all she replied, as i slowly turned to face the girl i love. the girl who's love now scares me.

"i know," i sighed.

"i don't think we should see each other anymore." she said out of the blue, making me snap out of my thoughts and give her my complete attention.

"w-what? why?" i stuttered, shocked at her sudden statement. i get that she's drunk, but how could that possible relate to anything, right now?

"you're just drunk. come sit down." i said, while patting the seat next to me. "you probably wrote that diary entry when you drank too much." i said, trying to convince myself more than anything else. i know my brain won't let me process it or accept what i just read, because somebody who just learns that the mother of their lover also had a lover who shared the same connection you share now, you would not be as calm and composed as i felt right now.

so, hopefully what i read was just all a big misunderstanding.

she shook her head, "no, ryujin, this is like some devil cult type of work, somebody's messing with us and i feel like if i continue to see you, im going to end up with lots of roses—- on my grave."

i nervously laughed, "you need some sleep." i replied, not knowing what to say. sure, this all sounds like something out of a supernatural romance movie— or a horror, but nonetheless, it doesn't give her a reason to not want to see me anymore, right?

she went on, "hey, look, i know that im drunk, but i'm a tiny bit sober enough to know we should stop seeing each other until we figure out whatever the fuck is going on. i mean, either my mom, who has no freedom in north korea, sent me this journal at perfect timing, or somebody knows about us and is playing tricks with us, which would be really creepy since nobody knows we see each other, especially through roses."she continued, as she waved the journal in her hand.

she had a point. her mom who is in north korea, could in no way have enough freedom to be able to willingly send out this journal to here, especially when it contains something considered taboo in both parts of korea, but no matter how crazy it sounds, i would never consider to ever stop seeing jangmi.

"but why?" i whispered, feeling my heart sink as i watched the drunk green eyed girl slightly stumble as she paced around the living room.

she stopped moving once she heard me speak, "because what if somebody's stalking us?" she turned to me, "first of all, that should be enough of a reason, but what if that person leaks that we're talking, or they somehow have a picture of us kissing? if that gets out to the public, you better believe they won't even allow us to work at mcdonald's after it spreads. i go back to america, they'll praise me for being open about it, but you? your career and reputation would be ruined forever. i don't want that for you."

i stood up and walked towards her and grabbed her hands, "i don't care if i have to live on the streets if it means staying near you. how could you suggest something as crazy as that?" i asked, my voice low, afraid the slightest change in my tone would scare her off forever.

she raised an eyebrow, "ryujin! this isn't some love fantasy between a guy and a girl where they'll end up happily ever after in the end! for gods sake, you won't even be allowed near the rest of itzy or even your family if the public were to know!" she said, slightly raising her voice.

i flinched, not knowing how to reply. she was completely right, 100%. but, how could i just accept the fact that she was willing to let me go and i had to go along with it, as well?

she sighed, "look, you continue with that PR project with haechan that jyp is making you do and i'll get back with kai and make it more public. in that way, nobody would ever figure out you and i had a thing, okay?" she suggested, her voice back to soft and comforting.

how could i stay away from someone like her? but how could i go against her wishes like that, as much as i don't want to?

"i don't want to though. how am i going to live without you?" i asked.

she squeezed my hand, "it's for the best, ryujin. i might come out okay if something were to be publicized, but you wouldn't. how could i let that happen to you?"

i slowly nodded, afraid if i let out another word, it might come out as sobs instead. maybe it's the alcohol in her system, but she was a lot more composed about this than i am.

she sighed, "okay, now go back to the girls. forget about me. forget about us, and if you ever see a rose, ignore it."