although // shin ryujin

risky

(ryujin's pov)

here she was, right in front of me.

we were both staring at each other, as if we couldn't believe the other was standing right there.

well, at least it felt like a dream.

i've been waiting for the day to see her again, even if it was just for a second, and here she was, back to me like I hoped she would be— because i knew her fate would always be by my side.

as hard as it was, I broke eye contact with her and looked over to the last person still in the room besides jangmi and i.

"I don't want to be partners with her." I spoke up, not daring to look back at jangmi. I didnt want to see her reaction to the words I just said, even though they weren't true— not one bit.

I knew they wouldn't change our partners and I just needed to say it so they'd think I wasn't very fond her, or something.

which worked out well, because not only did he say I'm stuck with her as a partner, but he called our friendship 'fan service', so that's done for.

I proudly looked back at jangmi, but my smile dropped once I looked at her expression. it was now only the two of us in the room, but it seemed she didn't want to stay as she excused herself to go to our room, and i knew it was because of what i had just said.

I wanted to tell her why I was being so different towards her, but that would just ruin everything, wouldn't it?

before she could leave, I grabbed her wrist and spun her towards me. it was now only the two of us in the room and all the cameras were turned off. therefore, I took this chance to kiss her, but it didnt even last a second before she pushed me off of her.

"why'd you do that?" she harshly whispered as her eyes darted around the room, searching for anything or anybody that might've caught the kiss.

I laughed, "for fan service, of course." I responded to with a wink.

she scoffed and crossed her arms, "you think its funny? what if somebody caught that? for gods sake, we are in a room filled with cameras! this is why we shouldn't be partners— actually, why we shouldn't be put in the same room as each other!" she ranted in frustration as she combed her fingers through her hair. I tried to grab her hand to maybe calm her down, but she only slapped my hand gently and took a few steps back.

she scoffed, "im so scared that the way i even look at you will give it away to everybody, and here you are trying to k-kiss me?" she said, tears suddenly filling her eyes, "we spent two months apart, just so we wouldn't get in trouble, and the second you see me, you want to put all that at risk for a quick kiss?" the girl whispered.

i looked at her, not knowing what to say. sure, we did spend that time away, but she wanted it. not me. i've said it a million times before and will say it a million times again— i don't care if i get in trouble. if it seems i do, it's only for the fact that she wants me to.

i stepped closer, "i don't care if i risk everything, i just want to be with you again." i gently whispered, as i reached my hand to wipe the tears that were resting in her eyes.

she didn't move away from my touch this time, "but if you do get in trouble, you'll find how bad it'll get, you'll see how everything you worked for crumbled just like that— just because of me, and you'll grow to hate me. you'll grow to despise me and regret the time you ever decided to spend with me, and i'd much rather be in your heart from a distance then to be hated by you." she said, mimicking my gentle tone this time. given, i rested my hand on her cheek and immediately she leaned into it and closed her eyes as she sighed.

"but that's why i tried to distract everybody. that eye roll? telling them i didn't want to be your partner? those were the most hardest things i've ever done in my life, i hated myself for showing you that i had even the slightest discomfort of you, even if it was just for a second, but i did it because i know the way we ended things was just so you won't get me in trouble, and i don't want to put your effort to waste— although i don't care if i get in trouble, i just want you." i replied, slowly and cautiously closing the gap between us as i watched her face for any signs of discomfort or disapproval.

i was about an inch away from her face before i heard the sound of heels clicking getting closer and closer.

immediately, i pulled my head back, and without turning to see who was coming from behind, i glared at jangmi. i glared at her as i watched her face shift from fear to confusion.

i scoffed, "listen, i don't really like you, nor am i very excited to be stuck with you throughout our time here, so let's make one thing clear—- i'm not going to interact with you if i don't have to, and neither should you." i spat in a bitter tone, as i internally cringed at my choice of words to her, even though we both now knew i didn't mean it.

"hey, hey, girls, come on now. you have to get along whether you like it or not. i don't want to see this attitude or energy when we're on camera, you got it?" the voice that belonged to the person who was the cause of my words spoke out.

i turned to see who it was, only to realize it was one of the directors. she wasn't even paying attention to us as she had her back to us.

i scoffed, but didn't make the effort to reply to her. instead, i gave the girl who was still frozen in front of me an apologetic look, before i winked at her and walked away.

i knew i could withhold myself around jangmi if there were other people around, but i also knew the second we were alone, i would be stuck to her side— and as bad as it was, i secretly enjoyed how risky our relationship just became.