although // shin ryujin

everythings okay

"jangmi..."

_________

its hard to explain, that feeling you get when you're not so sure if your situation is actually true or if it's just your mind scaring you to concur the most obscure version of what was actually going on. that's what i felt as i blankly stared at the devious brown eyes that observed me, once again.

i rubbed my eyes with my hands.

"it's really hard for you to get away from me, hm?" the raven teased and tilted her head. she found it funny and here i was trying to figure out if i was just imagining this all.

she grabbed my hand and the warmth of hers pulled me back into reality. i blinked a couple of times before slightly choking on air, "how—what are you doing here?" i asked, looking down at our connected hands—it all felt like deja vu—me running away from her and her chasing me down, no matter how many times i just kept walking over her.

at this point, i wasn't even surprised anymore.

she pulled me along with her as she walked to the seats near the boarding gate, "you think i was just gonna let you go that easily?" she questioned. i sat down next to her and shook my head as i turned to face her.

i smiled as i met her eyes and felt myself relax, "don't give yourself too much credit. why do you think i missed my flight?" i teased and poked her shoulder. it was so good to see her again. despite everything that had happened and everything that has yet to come, seeing her ultimately proved just how quick she could make me forget about everything else.

at that moment, i knew i had made the right decision.

she shook her head and pretended to think about it, "too easy—you missed me, didn't you?" she smirked and leaned in closer to me, which caused me to jerk my head back and look around nervously. she frowned in response, "sorry, too soon." she quietly laughed and apologized, "you're a tough one to crack. you miss your flight for me but won't even come near me." she pretended to be sad, but i knew she understood why. like she said, it was too soon and it would be difficult to get back to normal, considering everything that just went down, and everything that might also happen given the fact that i'm still here and not on that plane.

i sighed and slightly brought my face a safe distance from hers, "i have to keep distance from girls like you, you know that, right?"

she raised an eyebrow and scoffed, "are you saying i'm bad?"

i laughed and shook my head, "no, just super annoying." i looked away to hide the fact that i was blushing. after all this time and everything that had happened, i was still blushing as if i had some silly school crush.

she smiled, "i know you like me too much to get annoyed by me." i couldn't even hide my face anymore as she rested her chin in the palm of her hands and stared at me. however, almost immediately, her eyes darkened, "but tell me, why didn't you get on that plane?" she spoke up again, changing the topic.

i hummed. knowing she'd ask, i already had my response ready, "well, i did get on that plane." i replied, as i watched her confused face, "however, i realized that with this situation, it was the two of us—not just me. it would have been selfish for me to leave you to deal with this mess alone when i have something to do with it, as well." i grabbed her hand a slightly raised it, "you know, together forever, or whatever." i rolled my eyes and cringed at my stupid joke.

she booed, "so you're saying you didn't get off of that plane because you wanted to see my pretty face?" she shook her head in disappointment, "i should've known better."

i scoffed and gently pushed her, "be serious!" i shook my head, "now, what are you doing here on this fine day?" it was my turn to ask, "and don't say you wanted to see my pretty face." i retorted as i batted my eyelashes and watched her try not to laugh.

"well, since you removed my first reason, the second reason why i came here was to find you and make sure i'd get to see you again." she went quiet and stared into the distance, "i was just worried i wouldn't ever see you again." she frowned, "you didn't even leave with a proper goodbye or explanation!"

i flinched as i remembered the message i had sent her before leaving to the airport and sighed, "i know, i'm sorry. it's just—" i softly smiled as i felt tears well up in my eyes, "i knew if i came and talked to you face to face i wouldn't be able to leave. plus it was a rushed decision and not even one that was completely mine." i explained as i thought back to the day i talked with my manager. it really was a rushed decision that he made all on his own, only taking into factor how this would affect us financially and not in any other way.

suddenly, her face shifted into a more serious expression and everything became tense as i observed her glossy eyes. i was really hoping she wouldn't start crying, because if she did, we'd both become a sobbing mess right here in the middle of the airport.

"i was just scared I'd never see you again. it wasn't fair for you to just leave like that!" she whisper-yelled as she avoided eye contact. although, i couldn't even blame her. i shouldn't have let somebody else dictate over my decisions just for some people who know nothing about me. "and now," she continued, "i probably can't even be seen with you, anymore."

i stayed quiet as i watched everybody around us move along with their day dealing with their own problems. i realized as big as we might seem, at the end of the day, our problems are only ours, and nobody else's. nobody else can fix them, either.

therefore, i knew there was nothing left to hide. even if there was, that makes us no different from everybody else.

i knew that the outcome of my actions are mine to deal with and only mine, no matter how many eyes are on me. it should not be the reason i withhold myself from certain things. it especially shouldn't stop me from being with the people i love.

i took a deep breath as i gently tugged at the hem of her shirt which caused ryujin to raise her head up to meet my eyes. with a racing heart, and no explanation whatsoever (except that i knew i was doing the right thing), i leaned in, ignoring the intrusive thoughts telling me everybody around me was watching, and gently pressed my lips against hers.

she tensed up at the contact of my lips with hers, but i took her hand to reassure her.

everything was okay.

her lips made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

and it seems like she knew that, too.