Carliene Stark

II Chapter 65

Carliene

It felt strange leaving Highgarden. Even though I had spent more time at the Rock, in King's Landing or even traveling freely through the Riverlands, Highgarden had become more of a home to me in this short time than any other castle besides Winterfell. And though it as far from perfect and not all experiences were pleasant, it was the most at peace I had felt in years. I think sone part of me, which I kept hidden away knew that I could be happy here and that made leaving feel almost like I was losing something again. 

Lord Tyrell did not make it any easier. Although only a eek ago I had been so angry with him and wanting nothing than to leave, during all that had happened since I had forgotten my dislike completely. Instead I had almost come to admire him and how calmly and confidently he took up the role of Lord of Highgarden again. Set on restoring the castle and healing the land and his people.

"I once again feel the need to apologise for what a great fool I have been, if I could go back I would never have tried to deceive you so" he told me when we departed. 

"You are quite forgiven, my Lord" I told him. "I owe you a great deal, for your hospitality, if the wold were any different..." I trailed off. I had explained to him why I was planning on leaving Highgarden before announcing it to the queen and her hand. Though they all seemed rather displeased with accepting that decision, no one made an attempt to deny it to me. I tried to tell Willas that my place wasn't at Highgarden, but that I felt there was some role I needed to play in this war. It was giving him an explanation without telling him too much. 

He gave me a gentle smile and grabbed for my hand. "If this conflict is ever resolved.." his thumb traced the back of my hand as he spoke. ".. and you should find yourself uncertain where to turn or how to spend the rest of your life.." his warm brown eyes bet mine. ".. you will always have a place at Highgarden" he assured me. "I would be willing to wait for you"

I stared at him in disbelief for a moment, feeling my cheeks warm slightly. I had not expected something like this and for the hint of a moment I almost regretted my decision to leave. I could remain at Highgarden, letting the war play out and spending the winter well provisioned and in good company. But some strange sense of duty, which felt remarkably similar to guilt kept me from going too far down that trail of thought. "Thank you, Lord Tyrell" I told him genuinely, feeling endlessly grateful for his offer. There was a strange sort of reassurance in the knowledge of always having a secure place to return and retreat to. It was like a rock I could hold onto in an ocean of uncertainty. Something that give me confidence. 

Then I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. It just felt like the right thing to do. "You are a better man than you give yourself credit for" I told him softly as I felt his free hand carefully wrap around my back. "Don't sacrifice your happiness for someone else" I advised before breaking the embrace. I did not wish to give him false hope. I didn't want him to wait for something that might never happen. Though I could imagine returning and possibly taking him up on the offer if the war should end, something inside of me knew that it would never be that simple. A million things could happen in war. I could die.

I gave another hug to Elyn and a nod each to Ser Ignor, Maester Lomys and Ser Vortimer, before mounting up. Ser Vortimer and I had said everything we needed to the evening before. He also had apologised for the trick they tried to play on me and had pleaded for me to stay for the sake of his Lord. It seemed a little harder for him to understand that I was not doing this out of disscontempt with them, but rather because I felt that it was what I needed to do.

"How is your arm?" I demanded, trying to change the subject as I was growing tried of the same arguments. 

i looked down at the sling. "The swelling has gone down" he offered. "And it doesn't hurt as much anymore, but the maester agrees it might me months before I can lift a sword again" I chewed on my broken lip as I felt the guilt again. "I don't think I'll ever be good enough to maester of arms again" he admitted, which only made me feel worse. But then he chuckled slightly. "Willas has been threatening me with making me Lord seneschal of Highgarden" he told me.