Carliene Stark

Chapter 48

Carliene

The weeks blended together and I lost track of the days, locked in my four walls, always watched but still alone.

The cycle of self-pity finally ended when the midwife who I had mistaken for a septa took me outside for a walk in the gardens.

"Do you still doubt my words?" she questioned as she held onto my arm, leading me like one would an old woman. 

"No" responded in a raw unused voice.

She smiled. "Then why are you so miserable all the time?"

I clenched my jaw. I could feel the need to talk to someone, but I did not know who. This Brayla seemed kind enough, but I did not feel I could trust her. I didn't not think I could trust anyone for that matter.

"Come one you can tell me" she squeezed my arm. "I have kept many a ladies secret" she added in a playfully hushed voice. 

I did not look at her, just stared straight ahead instead. "Sorry, but I'm not this foolish" I said in a cool tone. "You work for the Lannisters"

"Excuse me for saying this, but you are a Lannister as well" she pointed out carefully.

Her words angered me, more so because they were true. I had come to know the women quite well in the last few days.
Ella was strict and proper. She was the youngest, yet she always sat straight, kept a straight face. she liked sowing and disliked talking. She covered her hair like her Lady did and didn't really seem to take much interested in me or my situation. I liked her to keep me company most, because she left me alone. Simply stuck to her sowing or books until she was replaced.
Alysanne was the other handmaiden. She looked to be closer to Dorna's age, though her wrinkled face could also be a proof that she was older. She had reddish blonde hair that almost reminded me of Sansa's in the right lighting. She liked to sing and hum and pray. She mostly prayed when she was with me, sometimes in silence sometimes aloud. She prayed for the war to end, for the poor to be saved, for the sickness to fee and those afflicted to be healed. She prayed for her family to be safe and for her Ladies happiness and for my child. she thanked the gods for such a miracle and all I could think about when I sat there having to listen to it, was that this woman didn't even know me.
Lastly there was Brayla, she was the midwife and the one who spent the most time with me. She was a kindhearted soul, which only angered me more because it made it harder for me to dislike her. And I wanted to dislike them all.
She didn't take long to introduce me to all kinds of strange ointments and concoctions, which were supposed to help me conceive a boy.

I refused her at every turn, but now and again I was forced to give in and just take was she gave me so that she and Lady Dorna were satisfied.

Sometimes it was delicious, tasting of vanilla and cream, while other times I could scarce swallow it without gaging. Some days I hoped one of those potions might put me out of my misery but they didn't.

"I'd like to be free" I said honestly, my voice still flat. "I'd like to have some time alone. Time to think"

She let me to the next bench and pulled me down beside her. "You understand why though?" she pondered. "Why they keep you under such close watch?"

Because I am a vessel carrying their future?

"You had your freedom to move about and you abused that privilege by trying to escape!"

She was talking down to me and it angered me. I pulled my arm form hers with a violent tug and turned glaring at her. "You know nothing about that!" I snapped. "And who are you to put me in my place you are just some midwife here to keep me calm and silent until I pop out the heir and they can finally get rid of me"