a commander's waltz

31. Gone

Espresso's POV
I sat on the train tears still filling my eyes. Latté sat beside me throughout the ride. She was furious at father. She wouldn't reply to him when he spoke. Same with my mother.

When we arrived home, I immediately ran into my room and jumped on the bed. I cried into my pillow so hard and for so long, my throat burned.

Apparently, while we were away, my parents moved all of my stuff into Latté's room. We had a bunk bed now. My mother was pregnant, I suppose. Or something else. I wasn't sure. I had the top bunk, while Latté had the bottom.

I stayed in my bed the whole day. I skipped lunch and dinner. I didn't want to eat. I couldn't get the image of Madeleine in my arms out of my head.

"Hey," Latté whispered.

I stayed laying under the covers crying my eyes out. I guess she didn't care. She climbed into my bed and sat beside me. She sat in silence for a while before handing me a piece of bread. "You need to eat something." she frowned.

I shake my head and hold my plush tighter. I wanted to yell at her to leave me alone but I didn't want to be left alone. "I'm not..." I whisper, "I'm not hungry."

Latté sighed and tapped my shoulder, "Didn't you tell me Madeleine told you to take care of yourself? To take care of yourself, you NEED to eat. I know you miss him... but please just eat this bread. You don't even have to eat it all, just a little bit of it would be fine!"

I sit up not realizing how weak and tired my body felt. I take the bread from her and open my mouth carefully. My hands were shaky and it was hard to bite down.

After a minute, I break down and hug Latté tightly. "I miss him..." I whimper. I cry into her arms and not bother to catch my breath.

Latté hugged me back and sighed. She rubbed my back and pat my head, "I know you do, Espresso... I'm so sorry." She hugged me tight, I could hear her cry softly too. "I wish dad wouldn't have..." she cried with me.

We cried together in one another's arms. My face felt hot and my body felt shaky and weak. "I miss him," I repeated, "I miss my starlight.."

...

The lights in the house were off. Dark. Everyone was asleep, except for me. I held both of my Madeleine plush's tight as I cried quietly into them.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop seeing it. I couldn't stop seeing the terrifying images of Madeleine's blood. When Princess pulled me away from Madeleine as I screamed for him when Knight put him on the stretcher and taking him in...

I hear the door open. "Who the hell is crying at this hour!" Father shouts. This fucker... I wanted to punch him in the face but I didn't have energy to. Plus, I was terrified. I didn't want to say anything.

Before I could apologize, Latté cleared her throat, "Sorry father..." she sniffled and chuckled, "I just had a uhm... a bad dream, that's all."

Father softly gasped, "I'm so sorry, Latté. Have a good night and I... hope you feel better."

"Thank you," I hear her sigh. The door closes and I feel Latté's head peek up from under the bed. "You ok, starligh-"

"Don't call me that." I mutter. I curl up more in the bed feeling my tears fall quicker by the minute.

Latté sighed, "I'm sorry. He already called you that so I just thought..." Silence. She jumped into the bed and stared at me. "Do you want another hug?" she asked.

I sit up and slowly nod hugging her and crying into her chest. She rubbed my back as I cried harder and harder and harder by the second. "I can't sleep," I tell her, "I can't..."

"I know, I know," she frowned. "I know you miss him and... I know you love him. I promise, we can go back to the kingdom as soon as possible and check in with everyone. Ok?" she smiled at me.

Quickly, I shake my head feeling my breathing unstable. "No... I'm scared to go back-"

"Everyone misses you, I'm sure." Latté let me go slowly. "I know for a fact everyone in that kingdom is worried about you. Did you not see that expression on Princess's face when we were on the train? She looked like she was on the verge of tears! Least we could do is give 'em a visit. Sound like a plan?"

I nod, "Ok." I whisper. I rest my head on her shoulder as the tears fall. My stomach felt achy and sick. I felt like throwing up. My head was spinning. I felt like I was going to die.

"Try to get some sleep, ok?" Latté smiled. She took the plush of Madeleine and set him on my lap. "He luvs u~" she giggled.

I nod as she leaves my bed to sleep in her own. I didn't go to sleep, though. I lay in my bed crying more and more and more.