a commander's waltz

32. PTSD

TW// suicide mentions

Espresso's POV
Two days went by and I still didn't get any sleep. I hadn't eaten anything since the incident, either.

I started to avoide Latté and my parents. Of course, I wanted to avoide my father. I didn't want to look him in the eye. I felt bad ignoring Latté, though. I knew she was just trying to help me out.

At last, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the only small hospital in the village. I wanted to see what was wrong with me. Maybe if I was put on medication, I wouldn't feel so bad.

I entered and the front lady immediately welcomed me. "What are you in for today?" she asked.

I shrug and look at the ground. That's when I remembered I've had trouble speaking to people, especially strangers. I didn't know why. I just couldn't find words or energy.

"Hello? Sir?" she waved her hand infront of me and frowned, "Have you lost your voice? Can you hear ok? Is th-"

"Can y-you please get me tested on something..." I finally push through. It hurt too much to speak, and the achy feeling in my stomach and chest came crawling back.

The lady smiled and nodded. "Come with me, sir!" She then led me to the back were she had me sit on a table and answer her questions. "What would you like to be tested for?" she asked me.

I felt the feeling of not being able to speak, again. I take a deep breath, "Post trauma-" I suddenly begin to cry being in that room. The wall color, the smell. It all reminded me of Madeleine's bedroom. "PTSD..." I mutter quietly.

The lady nodded and began to ask me questions. Some how, I said yes to every single one of them. Not even by choice. "Trouble sleeping?" Check. "Loss of appetite?" Check check. "Recent trauma?" Fat. Fucking. Check.

The lady smiled and looked at me. "Looks like you have severe PTSD." she got off of her chair and went to her cabinets. I watch her grab a small thing of pills and hand them to me. She smiled and nodded, "Take two every 24 hours." I nod as she walk me back to the lobby. That's when I left.

I headed back home knowing no one would be there. Everyone was at work. Even Latté. She had class this morning, so she was at the University while my parents went to wherever they worked.

I jumped in my bed and cried. I stared at the pills with a speeding heart. I wanted to take them all in one sitting and fucking die. I didn't have the energy to. I close my eyes and let my glasses fog as I cried into my Madeleine plush.

...

Latté's POV
"Ok, class," I announce, "It is time to work in your groups. I will be at my desk grading if anyone has any questions." The students nod and immediately find their partners to work on their project.

I sit at my desk and stare at the picture of me and Espresso on the table. We were at a theme park that day, and he was so happy. I smiled looking at it.

That entire day, I couldn't stop thinking about Espresso. Had he eaten yet? I'm sure he was probably crying with his Madeleine plush. Not like that's bad, I just know that's what he's doing right now.

Cream Puff Cookie waddled up to me and smiled. "Mrs. Latté?" she tapped my shoulder.

I smile back to her, "Yes, dear?"

"I made this for your brother. I'm sorry that happened to him," she handed me a piece of paper with a cute drawing of it. Espresso was on there, and so was a ghost version of Madeleine. On top of them was a rainbow and bold letters, "I miss you, Starlight." It read.

I felt heart warmed by it, but I didn't want to cry in front of my students so I sucked it up. "Aww, thank you, Cream Puff," I smile. "I will make sure he gets it."

I fold it and slip it in my pocket and pull up a chair for her. "I see your partners aren't here, today. You can sit with me while everyone else works." I tell her.

Cream Puff nods and beans with joy, "Ok!" she pulls out her part of the project and begins to work. I continue to grade and organize my desk.

Suddenly my phone rang. The phone from the school, not my mobile phone. That's unusual? Maybe it was one of the other professors. I watch the rest of the class, including Cream Puff, fall quiet and stare at the phone.

I didn't mind it. I was pretty shocked too. I answered the phone, "Professor Latté, speaking." I say cheerfully into the phone.

"LATTÉ!" the woman on the phone shouted, "WERE IS ESPRESSO?? IS THIS THE NUNBER I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL??"

I widen my eyes and stare at the class in confusion. I found it funny all of my students stared trying to figure out everything, too. "Uhm... who is th-"

"I-IT'S PRINCESS COOKIE!" I widen my eyes. "I NEED TO TALK TO ESPRESSO COOKIE! He wouldn't answer his phone so I called you instead!" she explained, "Please please PLEASE HAND THE PHONE OVER TO HIM, THIS IS URGENT!"

I stand up. "I-I'm at my University right now," I say, "W-Work! Sorry, I-I'm at work!"

I hear Princess scoff, "Look," she started, "After Madeleine's incident, Pure Vanilla took him in and just today he's showing signs of a heartbeat!" She shouts. I widen my eyes in shock, "HE'S STILL ALIVE!"

I smack my hand on the desk, "NO WAY!" I shout back. As we both screamed on the phone I jump up and down for a minute. "LET ME CALL ESPRESSO! WE'RE ON OUR WAY!"

"GOTTCHA! THANK YOU!!" She squeals.

I smack the phone down and stare at my students while dialing Espresso's phone number, "MADELEINE'S ALIVE!" I announce.

"YAAAAAAYYYY!" They all cheer. Every student who wore hats threw them up in the air while screaming in joy.

I bring my phone back up to my ear and wait for a moment. "what~?" Espresso's tear filled voice whimpered through the phone.

"ESPRESSO! PACK YOUR THINGS RIGHT NOW!" I shout. "PACK MY THINGS, TOO! FUCK IT, PACK ALL OF YOUR THINGS! PACK ALL OF YOUR STUFF!"

"Why?" he whimpered, "What's going on..."

"WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE KINGDOM!" I shout back.

Immediately, Espresso made an "Mm mm," sound. "No... I'M NOT GOING BACK!"

"Stop being such a scrooge and trust me!" I grab my bag and wave at my students, "CLASS DISMISSED!" I shout. They all cheer grabbing their bags and waddling out of the door.

Espresso groaned and sniffled quietly, "Fine..."