I feel guilty as I stand and stare at the door before me. I should've come by this house ages ago, I should've offered May and Peter my support ages ago. I sigh as I continue staring the door down, it may have been my guilt making me hallucinate but the door was definitely growing until it was towering over me.
Coming by the house had been too painful for me, I found myself unable to help anyone until I'd healed myself from bens death, until I'd grieved and found a way to move on. Seeing the life drain from his eyes had been traumatic and seeing Peter reminded me of that night. I was unsure if he felt the same about seeing me and so I had stayed out of his way until tonight.
I couldn't imagine what Peter and May were going through, the pain I felt was insignificant to them, it probably wasn't even a fraction of the pain they'd be haunted by constantly. My pain had eased but I doubt theirs would anytime soon, if ever.
I finally muster up enough courage to softly tap my knuckles on the door and hold my breath as I await for it to open.
"Mj? It's so lovely to see you but what are you doing here dear?" May asks as she opens the door to see me on the other side. "I came to see you, I'm sorry it's been so long but-"
She shakes her head, "it's alright Myra, Anna told me your mom was going through a bad patch, how is she feeling now?" That wasn't a lie mom did go through a really bad patch where she got super weak and sick to the point where we thought she may not make it. She did though, she was fine now, Curt, Gayle and I hadn't left her side, one of us was always with her and we'd done the best we could which thankfully was enough.
"She's doing better now, a lot better thankfully. Um I know Anna goes out on Wednesdays so I thought I'd come keep you company if that's ok? Gayle is making dinner at home and her food is awful, don't tell her I said that." May laughs and nods as she allows me to enter the house.
"You know that you're welcome here anytime."
***
May and I fall into our old habits easily as she begins making dinner and I sit on the counter beside her just talking like we usually do. "Here taste." She says bringing the spoon over to me, "wow may just when I think you can't get any better." She smiles fondly and pats my cheek, "you're too sweet Mj."
"You know Ben and I, we always wanted kids and then we got Peter and he's everything to us, he's everything to me but when you moved in with Anna next door and befriended Pete, I'd always wanted a daughter and I like to think if I'd ever had one she would've turned out like you and I know Ben felt the same." I smile completely touched by her words as they make me tear up slightly and slide off the counter to wrap my arms around her.
"Thank you so much May, you and Ben always treated me like one of your own and I really have always loved and appreciated it." I say crying into her slightly as she starts to cry too, the two of us stay there for a while just comforting each other.
***
"Oh my goodness look at the time, it's getting late you should probably get going." I look up at the clock midway through a yawn and nod, "I didn't even realise, yeah I really should get going, I'll drop by again soon, maybe next Wednesday?" I offer making her smile and nod, "I'd love that and hopefully Peter will be home then too." I nod before leaving, I see aunt Anna's car in the drive and so I contemplate just staying there tonight but then I remember Gayle wouldn't be home today and so I should go just in case mom needed me.
Once I do get home its silent so I conclude that my mom must've already fallen asleep so I quickly just peak my head through the door to make sure she's fine, my face falls slightly as I hear her breathing heavily. "Hey mom, are you ok?" I ask crouching beside her bed as she groans in pain, she doesn't speak as she shakes her head letting ,e know that she must've been in too much pain, "did you take your meds?" She shakes her head once more making me sigh as I go to find them.
My frown deepens once I do locate them and see that there weren't many left, I thought we'd just replaced them. "Mom why didn't you take them?" I ask once I've given her the meds and she's calmed down, "I wasn't feeling too bad today so I thought I'd try and save them, I don't think I can afford to get any more." I feel awful knowing knowing that I should get a job to help out more, there was only so much we could with me trying to pretend like things were normal, Gayle had her own family to take care of she couldn't just give up everything for us and Curt was doing way more than he should've been too.
"I'll find a way, I'll get them, I promise so please don't worry about it so much and take them." I beg making her nod, "I'm sorry for making you worry its not your job to worry about me." I sigh hating when she said that, I was her daughter of course I was going to be worried and nothing she'd say would stop that. "Don't apologise," I say as I climb in the bed beside her, I'd be too worried to sleep now and would probably watch over her for mist of the night, just to make sure that she stayed ok.
God I was not looking forward to school tomorrow.
