𝐼𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑦 ~ 𝑃𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑒𝑟 {𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑚}

𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑅𝑇𝑌 𝑁𝐼𝑁𝐸

I still go to the club at night just without Harry and I end up getting so much more drunk as the days go on. It's like my usual amount of alcohol just isn't cutting it anymore and I need more. Not a lot more but more.

Peter still picks me up each night, he's stopped asking me to stop or slow down and instead he hardly speaks to me. He simply drops me off tells me to be safe and leaves. I don't fully remember what happened between us that one night I asked him to stay. I'm guessing it wasn't good though.

Gayle is so much closer to her due date and whilst I feel guilty with all my drinking it's the only way I can act normal for her. I know I'm gonna have to stop when the baby is born because she'll need me so much more and I know that I can't be even the slightest bit drunk whilst I care for either of her kids.

"Mj, mj you're still here perfect." I quickly stuff my the bottle I'd been drinking from under my bed. "What uh, what do you need?" I ask as she pokes her head through the door. "I just need you to watch Tommy for a few hours." My eyes widen and I get up off the floor. "No, no I can't Gayle, I told you I was going out today. Todays is a no day." She shakes her head. "You haven't left yet, please it's urgent."

"No, no no Gayle I'm telling you I can't. Not right now." She's not listening as she's already began walking off. "Gayle I'm being serious, I'm not in the right-"

"Mj, stop being so dramatic, I won't be long, thanks." She says as I chase her to the door, "Gayle I was just dr-" she doesn't even let me finish my sentence before she's already slammed the door on me.

I punch the door in frustration and curse at the pain. "Aunt J? Are you ok?" I turn around to see my nephew watching me with his eyes wide with worry, "I'm fine honey, I promise." I say leading him back towards the sitting room. "Um let's watch a movie." I suggest making him jump in joy.

"Ok you stay here and I'm just gonna run to the toilet really quickly ok?" I instruct carefully. "Ok." I run to the bathroom knowing that I only had a short while before the alcohol would kick in and I'd become too drunk to care for Tommy properly, I shouldn't have drank as much as I did. I should've left it at the one sip I usually took and then waited until I left the house.

I crouch in front of the toilet, knowing that this was the only way I could get it all out of my system in time.

***

"Mj! Mj! Oh my god Mj." I hear my sister shouting, her voice is drenched in fear and my nephew is crying in the background. I shoot up, looking around to make sure Tommy wasn't hurt. "Tommy? Are you ok?" His face is bright red and he runs straight into my arms. "Aunt J! You're ok, I thought something happened to you." I hold him tightly noticing that I'm still in the bathroom. "I'm ok Tom Tom, I promise. I'm fine, I'm so so sorry for scaring you." I whisper as I look up and see my sisters once concerned face now stained with a raging glare.

She knows.

"Hey Tommy, aunt J is ok, but just to make sure I'm gonna take her up to her room ok?" She says pulling her son from me. "Why don't you go play in your room so I can look after Mj." He nods and gives me one more hug. "Feel better soon aunt J." He says before running off and leaving me to be murdered by my sister.

"Get up." She hisses harshly, when I don't immediately get up she pulls me up, a painfully tight grip on my arm.

"What the hell were you thinking!" She's so beyond angry I've never seen her like this before. "I'm so sorry Gayle, I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to, I tried to tell you but I'm so sorry. I've never ever been drunk whilst watching him before. I-"

"Shut up!" I do instantly, "Mj I can't believe... I can't trust you." My eyes tear up but I nod, "I can't ever trust you around him again." I nod again as the tears fall. "Stop crying." She scoffs but I can't. "Do you know what it was like to come home and find my toddler screaming? To see him hugging your unconscious body and crying in complete and utter fear? He thought you were dead! I don't even know how long you were like that."

"Something could've happened to him. I'm sure you've scarred him mentally. All because you wanted to drink." She suddenly begins dragging me along with her upstairs and towards my room.

Once we get to my room she lets me go but begins tearing it apart. I can't say anything so I stay stood in my place as I continue crying. "Where is it?" She asks after throwing my stuff all around the room. "Where is it?" She repeats and so I finally move. I crouch down by my bed and pull up the loose floorboards I used to his my stash.

"I want you to leave." She says after a really long silence. "What?" I ask, "you can't stay here any more." She says. "Gayle-"

"Get out of my house."

"I promise I'll-"

"No. You have a problem Mj. I can't let you live here, I'm going to have two young children in the house and I can't trust you around them and I can't be worrying about you."

"Please, please please don't throw me out, please I promise, I promise you Gayle I promise I'll stop." She shakes her head as I cry. "I don't have anywhere to go."

"I can't help you Myra. You don't remember but dad was an alcoholic too, it's why I don't drink. I saw what mom went through when she helped him become sober. I can't do that for you."

"Dad was an alcoholic?" She's lying, he never drank, he was never a drunk. "Dad wasn't-"

"Yes he was. He became sober after you were born but I saw it all, I saw everything and I'll never be able to forget it."

"You need to go now Myra." She says interrupting my processing. "I don't have anyone to go to." I shrug, my voice cracking.

"I'm sorry but that's not my problem, you can sleep in your car." Her words break everything in me and I understand that there's nothing I can say that will sway her.

"I'm sorry." I mumble before I just leave. I don't even bother to stop and grab anything. Each step is numbing. "Wait." She stops me once I'm at the door, "give me your key." Any hope I had crumbles in a heap where my heart should be.

"You can come back after you get help."