I stay on the steps outside our house for a while, I don't know what to do from here. I know that I could go to my aunt Anna's because she wasn't home. I also knew that if I did go there, I'd probably end up with alcohol poisoning before the sun had time to set.
I could go to Peter and May's but I don't wanna worry May like that. I don't want her to see me like this, to think any less of me. I don't want to let anyone else down.
"Mj? Are you ok?"
"Gwen?"
I quickly wipe my face dry and stand up, brushing all the dust off my pants. "Are you ok?" She repeats, her brows drawn as she looks me over in concern. "I'm fine." I tell her avoiding her watchful eyes.
She bites on her lip for a second as we simply stand opposite each other, neither of us speaking. "Do you want to go and get a coffee with me?" I can't manage to say anything so I settle for a nod, it brings out a smile on Gwen's face.
She holds her hand out to me and I manage a smile as I walk down the steps outside my house and take it. "It's so cold out today." She hums as she slides her arm through mine and pulls me closer to her.
***
"You still don't like coffee huh?" She asks as I settle with a hot chocolate. "No, I never managed to grow into it." I shrug my hands curling around the warm to go cup. "I remember when you would force yourself to drink it, hoping you'd magically like it one day."
"I'm still convinced that no one truly likes coffee and that you're all in on one big lie." I shrug making her laugh.
"So do you wanna tell me what's up now?" She asks after an elongated silence. I was split 50/50 on whether I wanted to tell Gwen the recent fallout in my life. Honestly I didn't have anyone else but, I felt kind of awkward, we hadn't spoken properly in so many years and I didn't want to suddenly just burden her.
"Mj, you can tell me anything, or we can just sit in silence, whatever you want." I did not deserve Gwen's kindness, not when I wanted to steal her boyfriend from her.
"My mom died," I end up caving, I just needed to get it off my chest, to tell one person who'd actually listen to me rather than hand me a glass of whiskey.
"Oh Mj, I'm so sorry." Her sincerity bleeds into the air between us, she reaches for my hand and squeezes it sympathetically. "And Gayle kicked me out of our house." Her hand tightens around mine. "Do you have somewhere you can go?"
I think on whether I should answer her honestly or not, in the time I take her question is answered anyways. "You're staying with me." She declares making me shake my head, "no I do have somewhere to go." I don't want to impose.
"Mj, you're staying at mine." She tells me surely and I know she was not going to take no for an answer now. Gwen could be really stubborn when she wanted to be. "Only for tonight," I add making her nod, satisfied that she'd managed to convince me.
***
"You obviously don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to," Gwen starts as we're walking back to her apartment. "Why did Gayle kick you out?" I take a sharp inhale at the memory of what just happened. "Uh, I messed up whilst watching Tommy and she said she can't have me in the house with her kids anymore." I explain vaguely not too sure I want to disclose my whole issue with alcohol.
"That's a bit harsh, is Tommy really hurt?" I shake my head. "No, no luckily he was fine." I mumble as we reach the complex. "Well if he's ok and this is the first time you've messed up then that's no reason to kick you out."
"I'm a danger to her kids, I get it." I shrug as Gwen turns to me. "What did you do?" She was probably wondering if I was gonna be a danger to her younger brothers too. "I didn't know she was going to ask me to watch him. I never would've been drinking if I did, I've never drank around him before." I clarify.
"So you were drunk?" I nod. "She just pushed him on me and I panicked because I knew that with the amount I had ingested I wouldn't have been got to care for him. I tried to tell her, but she brushed me off and left, so I tired to make myself throw it all up but I ended up passing out and she came back to find me unconscious with her son crying by my side." I explain feeling my eyes burn.
"That's not your fault Mj." I feel the drops race down my cheeks at her reassurance. "Look it was an unfortunate accident, you're not a danger to her kids because you never would willingly put them in any danger. She should've listened to you instead of just running off." She wraps her arms around me and allows me to cry into her shoulder, without saying anything else.
Once we finally get inside, Gwen let's me take a shower and loans me her most comfortable pair of pyjamas. "Are you feeling better now?" She asks as we sit in her room silently. "Yeah." My words are an unbelievable mumble.
"You know we could probably go to yours tomorrow and talk with Gayle, I'm sure she'll let you back once she's cooled down." I shake my head, I knew she was trying to help but I didn't think anything would help me now.
"She won't change her mind. She thinks I'm an alcoholic and she said she can't help me through that." I decide to just lay everything out there because wasn't the first step of rehabilitation admitting that you had a problem?
"I might be an alcoholic, my dad was one apparently and I never knew that. If I did, I obviously would've avoided alcohol all together but here we are." I can see she's trying to formulate a plan in her mind but honestly I didn't see why she should waste any of her time or energy on this.
"But since I have that information now I'm going to stop drinking all together." I assure her, hoping she won't become overly involved in this. "I know you can." Running into Gwen may have honestly been the best thing that could've happened to me.
"And I'm leaving for England soon but until then I'm here for you." I feel slightly disheartened at the news, I had no reason to seeing as Gwen and I weren't even friends anymore. This just reinforced the fact that I was the only one who was not going on to do amazing things, to do anything. I was the one who was stuck here wasting my life away.
"You're moving to England?"
"I got into Oxford."
Despite my own regret at the way my life was turning out I can't help but be so happy for her. "Oh my goodness Gwen that's beyond amazing, I'm so proud of you." I beam remembering how this was a dream for her back when we were kids.
"What about you Mj? Have you decided what you wanna do yet?" I felt so awkward telling her that I had no ambitions in life. Not right now at least. "Honestly I don't know, I wasn't planning on going to college because I'm not completely sure I want to stay in education but I didn't really think of anything else. I thought I'd be stuck here helping my family."
She thinks for a moment, "it might not seem like it right now," She takes a breath before she continues. "Maybe Gayle kicking you out was a blessing in disguise." I must look puzzled because she elaborates, "now you're free to get away from here, like you always wanted. You can do whatever you want."
Hey everyone! Quick message haha. Basically I have some exciting news!! The reason I took a while to write and post this chapter is bc I'm writing a book! Like an actual original story that I hope to get published properly. I started on the idea a few years ago but decided recently that enough was enough and I should just go for it. It probably won't be done for a while but I was just so excited to share the news w you guys bc without all of your love on my stories then I don't know if I actually would've ended up actually thinking of pursuing this.
