50 Reasons To Live.

Day 4 (Part I)

        I woke up feeling sore all over and I remembered what happened yesterday. It had all been alright till I came back home and I met her in her usual state.

      Ashley was completely wasted,yelling about how I took everything from her while she slammed me forcefully around the house.

Steadying myself by taking deep breaths, I try to get up but fall back on my bed, guess she really did a number on me then.. I think.

      Peeling off my shirt, I check my body for any new bruises and notice that I'm covered in them, fumbling under my bed for a broken mirror that I keep there, all the while mumbling curses at the pain I felt, I grab it and quickly check my face before giving a sigh of relief... It was intact.

   For some reason, Ashley will hit me everywhere but never on my face, she's never hit me there except for when we argued and she lost her temper and slapped me.

     Elle always said that it was because she knew that it was easier to hide the bruises on my body than it will be to hide the ones on my face.

I force myself to get up again and I manage to work to the door before my legs gave up on me and I collapse to the floor.

    "River? River is that you?" Ashley calls as I hear her footsteps coming close and I struggle to scramble back into bed but she's in my room before I can do so.

    "River?" She calls stepping in before squatting on the floor near me and I move back a bit.

"What's wrong?" She asks and I shake my head looking up at her. She was well dressed, ready for work I guess, her hair was packed neatly atop her head in a pony tail, she was wearing a white shirt and black corporate pants, and had light makeup on...she looked normal.. she was normal though without all the alcohol in her system.

Times like this when she was sober, Ashley looked normal, calm, beautiful. Not like the drunken monster that she becomes when she's drunk.

    "Nothing." I murmur and she frowns. "Don't give me that crap River. You're on the floor unable to move and you're covered in bruises..." She begins before she pauses and covers her mouth with her hand, suddenly realising.

"Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry baby, I don't know what happened or why I keep doing this... forgive me, forgive me.. I don't know what keeps coming over me..." She begins but I cut her off.

     "You were drunk. You were drunk and raving mad because I emptied the alcohol bottles and filled them with waters like you asked me to. So you went to the corner mart and bought 12 packs of your regular along with new bottles of whiskey." I begin while she starts sobbing.

"And by the time I got home, you were drunk enough to hit me as always." I finish also sobbing too.

     "I'm so sorry baby, I don't know why I keep doing this.. I'm so sorry...I'll throw them all out I promise." She sobs and I want to tell her to stop promising things that she can't keep, but I can't because it's the same thing I also do, make promises that I can't keep, I think looking at the cut on my skin.

        "Let me help you to the bathroom." She says as she gently raises me up and leads me to the bathroom before placing me in the bath tub.

    "Hot water but not too hot right?" She says and I nod as she fiddles with the controls and the water hits me, massaging my body softly.

    Picking up my bathing sponge, she squeezes my bathing gel on it and softly scrubs my back all the while humming Sweet Baby Jesus.

Closing my eyes, I'm taken back to the days that everything was fine and always like this..the good times.

    "There, you're all clean, I'll leave your bathing robe here along with the towel. I've made breakfast already, the toast is surprisingly not burnt and I'll advice you to stay home today. I love you River." She says pausing by the door and I nod softly.

     "I know that you do." I say, because I know that she did when she wasn't drunk. Stepping back inside, she places a kiss on my forehead before she leaves.

     After I had my bath and managed to wear another of my unending giant shirts and a pair of yoga pants, I drag my aching body downstairs, all the while smoking on a cigarette.. what? I'm cold..

   Getting to the dining, I see my breakfast, the surprisingly unburnt toast and pancakes with a cup of tea and I chuckle softly, Ashley always made the weirdest combinations for breakfast.

      After I was done with breakfast, I pack the leftovers into empty packs and leave the plates inside the dishwasher, I'll get back to them later.. I think as I swallow a couple of painkillers and drag myself back to bed stopping to get my phone before collapsing back into my bed.

       I felt really sick, the painkillers didn't seem to have kicked in yet as i ached all over. Sighing I put my earphones on and put my songs on shuffle while I check my important messages.

     The usuals from Grannie K, same from Gramps, I reply the before checking the rest.

There's a message from Elle asking where I am and I check the time 09.48, and I text her a reply that I won't be coming to school today.
     Then there's another from Sebastian asking the same thing and I forward him the reply that I gave Elle before going offline.

   I'm about to shut my eyes and try to go back to sleep when a message comes in and it's just one sentence.

   "DiE BiTcH DiE!!"

Happy New Year 🎉🌺♥️